


Trust in Me

by Anonwriter27



Category: Loki - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27459478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonwriter27/pseuds/Anonwriter27
Summary: Y/N had struggled with identity for a very long time; her own, the concept, the tags that came along with it. Identity became an imposition, something forced upon her rather than chosen for herself.Emerging from a troubled past with issues of trust, will Y/N find companionship in the most unlikely of places.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 29
Kudos: 93





	1. A little bit of context

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Loki fic and I'm a little out of practice writing. If you guys could let me know if I should continue this story, I'd really appreciate it :)

Y/N had struggled with identity for a very long time; her own, the concept, the tags that came along with it. Identity became an imposition, something forced upon her rather than chosen for herself. Perhaps some context is necessary to explain why.

Y/N’s mother, Lia, had been what many would class as a socialite; the oldest daughter of a wealthy family, beautiful, intelligent. She had that sass that could be detected by the slight curve of her eyebrow. Despite her quick wit and sharp tongue, she was incredibly loving and doted on her family, which is why her ‘banishment’ had come as a surprise. 

Lia’s little brother liked to stir the pot and annoy their father at any given moment. One of their father’s biggest grievances came from his son’s choice of best friend, Rafael. Rafael Tatum came from an aggressive family. Though he himself was calm and collected, his family’s erratic behaviour had given them quite the reputation, one that Lia’s family wanted nothing to do with.

Despite knowing her father’s distaste for the Tatums, Lia fell in love with her brother’s best friend. He was well read, well-travelled. Despite his strong build and withering stare, he believed in peace and discussion over war and violence. There weren’t many men like Rafael.

Lia respected her parents enough to tell them the truth, but when given the ultimatum of us or him, Lia chose him. She kept in contact with her brother, but after quickly eloping, she and Rafael moved to a house on the coast. Lia soon fell pregnant and she and Rafael raised their beautiful baby girl by the sea. But the Tatums had made many enemies at this point, and with Rafael and their daughter’s striking blonde hair and piercing grey eyes, they could not leave their home out of fear of attack. 

Lia became ill when Y/N was nine, and after a lengthy battle for her life, Lia passed away peacefully in her sleep. Rafael knew his days were numbered, but the thought of leaving his little girl defenceless in the world sickened him; so, he called on his best friend, Lia’s brother. 

On the day Rafael was killed, Lia’s brother scooped up his eleven-year-old niece into his arms and took her to his home where he would raise her. 

He kept her hidden from those who would judge her, and safe from those who would harm her. He often joked that she was like Rapunzel, with her long golden hair locked away in a tower. Although she would laugh at the comparison, he wasn’t far off. Y/N did have locks like spun gold, and she did live in a tower; in fact, it was one of the highest towers in New York: Stark Tower, where she lived with the ever reliable Miss Potts and her fun uncle Tony. 

Despite what many would say about him, Tony was a good uncle to Y/N, and a strong father figure in her life. He kept her safe when she didn’t realise she was in danger, and he did so because he loved her, just as much as he had loved Lia.

Tony and Lia could have been twins with how in sync they were. Despite being her younger brother, Tony always felt like her equal. She always included him and helped him with his inventions. She encouraged his intelligence and scolded their father when he refused to shine a light on Tony’s brilliance. Perhaps that’s why he had befriended Rafael, there was so much of his sister’s goodness there, it was just in a different shade.

Rafael had been annoyed by Tony at first, his constant sarcasm and nature to provoke irritated Rafael to no end. Slowly these annoyances became endearing and the two, though an odd pairing, became a duo to be reckoned with. They went travelling around the world, exploring new cultures, and expanding their minds. Although Tony got them into trouble, Rafael was there to get them out of it. 

When Y/N would ask Tony about her father, the story would often start something like “Did I ever tell you about that time your dad rescued me from falling off a pier?”

Y/N could have heard that story a thousand times but she’d gladly hear it a thousand more.

Tony never resented his sister for running away with his best friend. In fact, after years of her being the golden child, it was refreshing to see her let loose and follow her heart. His only regret was not having more time: more time to laugh with her, to sit with her, to watch her raise her little girl.

So when he promised Lia, on his last visit to her sick bed, that he would watch over her little girl, he took that promise to heart. And as such, every landmark moment in his life would be done with her in mind.

When Tony became Iron Man, he feared he had put an even bigger target on the poor girls back. But she just smiled up at him and called him her hero.

When he told her he loved Pepper and that he wanted her to move into the tower, Y/N simply looked at him with her mother’s signature curved brow and said “well it’s about time.”

When Tony asked what she thought of his new intern Peter Parker, she laughed and said, “I always wanted a little brother.”

They were in sync, they understood each other and looked out for one another. In all the tragedy that had befallen their family, they had made a family of their own. So, you can imagine how protective Tony was when introducing the avengers to his precious niece. Although Y/N was now eighteen and a young woman, Tony took his role of father-figure very seriously. He only introduced a member or two of the avengers at a time. 

Natasha had been the first, followed swiftly by Bruce. After years of the introvert lifestyle and second-guessing people’s motives, Y/N had become very shy and quiet to everyone but her uncle. Bruce and Nat’s discretion and sensitivity allowed Y/N to warm to them.

Steve and Sam were polite and calm enough to allow Y/N to relax around them (Steve was always there to stop Sam from staring at Y/N and her “heart-warming smile” as he calls it). By the time Clint brought Wanda to the tower, Y/N was able to sit in the same room as everyone and eat dinner without feeling too uneasy.

Y/N liked everyone well enough, but like her father she enjoyed peace and discussion. During particularly rowdy dinners, she would often find herself sitting with Bucky and Vision in comfortable silence; the comfort this provided her allowed her to class them as her closer friends. But like her father, she needed one friend to find both annoyance and love, and she found that in the brotherly figure of Peter Parker. 

Tony kept this system in place, slowly integrating people he trusted into Y/N’s life, allowing her to trust them for herself before pushing them into her life. 

So when Friday announced the arrival of Thor and his war criminal brother on the lawn of Stark tower, Tony was far from pleased.


	2. Introductions are in order

Y/N didn’t really understand the hype surrounding the arrival of the Gods. She had been there the day the avengers had received a letter from Asgard, informing them of Loki’s mind control at the hands of Thanos. Apparently with his brother’s trust and a never-ending interrogation, Loki finally cracked and revealed what happened the day he fell from the Bifrost. 

At the time, everyone seemed to accept the letter as truth (Clint less so) and went about their business. 

Apparently seeing Loki in person had provoked another reaction entirely. Everyone seemed stiff, their backs straight and a scowl etched on their faces. Y/N didn’t like the tension, so she hung back, only peaking slightly from behind the doorway.

Y/N had seen Thor before and found him to be pleasant enough, though he was slightly wary of her. Y/N’s family on her father’s side had a history dating back to the Vikings and sadly their brutality hadn’t softened in time. Thor didn’t particularly care for them; so when he saw the signature Tatum look in Y/N’s appearance, he was put slightly on edge. 

Over the years he had grown a little more accustomed to her presence, but Y/N did not wish to push on his discomfort and kept a respectable distance from the thunder God. 

Thor walked into the living space, heavy boots stomping against the hard wood floors and Tony’s yells of “I don’t think so,” bouncing off the walls. Thor was always a magnificent presence when he entered the room, he wasn’t imposing, just striking; so striking that, had there not been so much commotion about it, one might miss the shadow of another figure lurking behind the mighty God.

The team were waiting for one of his snide remarks, a spiteful comment or cruel jibe. But Loki just stood there, allowing his brother to speak on his behalf in that booming, bellowing voice.

Loki hated being spoken for, but it was necessary. With Odin’s demand for him to serve time on Midgard, Loki could not risk messing up the Allfather’s dynastic plan, lest he be sent to the Jotunheim. 

“I know of your grievances with my brother dear friends, but this is a new beginning for Loki. Allow your righteousness and goodness to spread forth onto him.” Thor proclaimed, lifting his fist in the air for dramatic effect.  
Loki couldn’t stop his eyes from rolling at his brother’s pathetic attempts to rally the avengers to their side. He looked at each member of the heroic team, most of which were familiar faces. There were some new ones though that looked less angry but more apprehensive to see him.

He noted the witch first, he could sense her juvenile attempt to tap into his mind. ‘That’s going to get annoying’ he thought.

An odd-looking man with an unmistakable infinity stone in his head. ‘That could be worth investigating,’ Loki decided.

The two men surrounding the soldier held the same posture as their captain. Loki assumed them to be soldiers too. 

Then there was the child. Although Asgard had no qualms with sending young boys off to battle he had thought it to be illegal on Midgard. Oddly though Loki found he didn’t mind this new recruit too much, he was the only one smiling directly at Loki. 

“So you want us to take him in?” Nat asked, bringing Loki back to the conversation at hand.

“No.” Tony and Clint firmly stated at the same time as Thor grinned and yelled “Yes!”

“Tony, we don’t have much of a say in this.” Pepper said, reading carefully through the letter sent from Odin. 

“Pepper’s right, besides this has already been signed by government officials.” Bruce agreed, taking off his glasses, “It’s a done deal.”

“It’s not a done deal, I am undoing this deal, the deal is undone!” Tony was losing ground and he knew it.

“But Mr. Loki was mind controlled Mr. Stark, maybe we can get to know him better.” The child said with pleading dark brown eyes. 

Loki decided he liked the young avenger, and that he liked being called Mr. Loki. 

After much deliberation and numerous bottles of scotch, the avengers begrudgingly agreed to Thor’s request and Odin’s demand. Thor then took it upon himself to re-introduce Loki to his friends. Many of the older members of the group sat in their chairs, sipping their dinks, silently contemplating the events of the evening.

Clint had left as soon as Loki had walked further into the room. Those who had known Loki from New York nodded their heads in acknowledgment of his presence, but that was by no means an indication that they were accepting of his presence.

“…and this is the spiderling!” Thor bellowed.

Loki quirked an eyebrow at his brother, confused by the name.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Loki! I’m Peter… or spiderman. But you can’t tell anyone… I mean everyone hear knows…I’m not saying you’re a gossip, it’s just a secret…is all…” Peter rambled, clearly dumbstruck in the presence of Gods.

Loki merely smirked, “A pleasure.” Was all he said, but it was enough to put Peter at ease.

Loki didn’t mind his brother’s insistence on these introductions, what bothered him was how comfortable Thor was amongst this band of heroes. He was so relaxed and composed, like he belonged. Loki knew he could never feel that way here, nor would he ever want to, but it would be so much easier if he did.

As they made their way through the room, Loki noticed his brother’s demeanour change. Thor seemed a bit more restrained, less boisterous, and the source of this change appeared to be peaking behind the door. 

Loki didn’t recognise this avenger either. A pretty little thing, but apparently shy; she all but flinched when Thor looked her way.

Thor cleared his throat, “Ah lady Y/N, this is my brother Loki.”

The young girl made her way over to the brothers followed closely by Natasha who, upon seeing the interaction, thought Y/N might feel more comfortable with her there.

“Hello.” She said meekly.

She could barely look him in the eye. Since Loki had not recognised her signature Tatum looks, he thought she may be afraid of him; but something told Loki that was not the case.

Y/N knew she was being rude, but her anxiety with introductions was all consuming, and with Thor’s unease around her, Y/N assumed Loki would be equally unimpressed.

The God of mischief opened his mouth to speak but was swiftly interrupted.

“That’s close enough reindeer games.” Tony said, walking quickly over to the group. 

“My brother means her no harm Stark.” Thor assured.

“Problem?” Loki sneered.

Tony squared his shoulders, “Problem no. Pain in my ass, sure…excruciating migraine that will only by numbed by the sweet nectar I like to call whisky…”

“Tony, please.” Pepper spoke, with extra emphasis on the please.

“This is gonna be fun to live with.” Nat muttered into her drink earning a chuckle from Bruce.

“I have been here less than ten minutes Stark, what grievances could you have possibly procured against me so soon?” Loki spoke with venom. 

Before Tony could respond, Thor stepped in.

“Y/N here is Tony’s niece, he is within his rights to be protective, brother.”  
That made Loki pause, his withering stare directed at Tony softened as it moved towards Y/N. His piercing gaze seemed to knock the air out of her lungs. 

No one had really looked at Y/N this intently. Normally people avoided looking at her at all costs, no one had ever tried to read her before. 

His attention confused her, but it sparked a curiosity of her own.

‘Stark’s niece, how intriguing.’ Loki thought. 

He looked at her in that moment, noting no significant family resemblance between the two. There was a clear fondness by the way in which the young woman relaxed in her uncle’s company, but nothing notably similar. 

What a strange creature she seemed, to be amongst a band of heroes and be so scared. 

Loki gave her a dazzling smile, lifted her hand to his lips, and after a quick kiss declared, “What a pleasure this is.”

It was the last thing he said before a blast of energy knocked him through the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think so far...to continue or not to continue? :)


	3. A cup of tea

Y/N woke up with a feeling of unease. After Tony had blasted Loki across the room everyone had decided it was time to retire for the evening. Clint, Nat and Bruce left the tower to go to their respective homes, the other residents of the tower went to bed in their shared apartments. Tony had decided he and Pepper would stay in the penthouse suite instead of their little house on the outskirts; clearly not trusting that Thor had a handle on Loki’s antics.

Despite the chaos of the night before, Y/N awoke to a very peaceful and quiet morning. She awoke feeling comfortable, perhaps that’s why she felt uneasy. 

‘A quick shower should help.’ She thought. When in doubt, feeling clean always provided the simplest of comforts to her. 

Y/N recalled the events of the night before, not so much the angry faces or the Loki shaped hole in the wall, but the way in which the trickster looked at her. 

Don’t be fooled, the following thoughts are not that of a fantasist, fooling herself into believing there was a romantic undertone to Loki’s gaze. Y/N was far too practical, inexperienced with people, and uncertain of the concept of romance to conjure up such imaginings.

It was merely the fact that he looked at her that made Y/N think back to that specific moment. 

Because of her past, because of who her father was, no one really made eye contact with Y/N. The Shield agents that came and went were not happy with her presence in the tower; Shield had a troubled history with the Tatum family. Whenever she entered the room they would turn away with disgust. If they had taken a moment to get to know her, to understand that she was nothing like her dearly departed uncles and cousins, they’d see how good she was. 

But they would never give her the chance. Overtime, Y/N began to feel ugly, as though she were Medusa, scaring innocent onlookers. 

Loki had looked straight at her. There was no fear or anger there, just curiosity. 

‘He probably doesn’t know yet,’ she thought, ‘Thor will tell him, and he’ll look at me like everyone else does.’

Y/N shook away her thoughts, got dressed and braved entering the shared living space of her apartment.

Y/N’s apartment consisted of three other tenants. Vision resides on the other side of the apartment and Peter had a little (by Tony’ standards) room across the hall from Vision’s for when he stayed over after school. Now in the adjacent room from Y/N’s was Loki. Y/N wondered how different it would be from his rooms on Asgard.

Y/N was greeted by the sweet smell of cinnamon toast as she entered the room. Vision was cooking a feast in the adjoining kitchen.

“Good morning little Miss, I trust you slept well.” Vision spoke in a kind voice.

Y/N liked it when Vision called her little Miss, it was what Jarvis used to call her when she was a little girl. Maybe that was why she felt at ease with him.

Y/N took a seat at the counter; out of the corner of her eye, Y/N noticed Loki sat by the window with an old copy of Dante’s Inferno. 

He looked up when he noticed her staring, Y/N quickly averted her gaze, staring at the cinnamon toast Vision had placed in front of her.

Loki used Y/N’s moment of embarrassment to get another good look at her. 

She was a beautiful young woman, but she didn’t hold herself with the confidence of one. She hid behind an oversized hoodie with sleeves she could pick at when nervous.

She had a look that he recognised but couldn’t quite put his finger on. The blonde in her hair caught the light and almost made her illuminous. She was small in height but seemingly curvy by the hints of her figure he could make out. As for her eyes, they looked like a storm; like thick grey clouds gathering together before the fall of rain. 

When he looked into her eyes the night before he couldn’t understand the expression on her face. She didn’t look scared, her expression appeared more like astonishment. Not from who he was or that he was there, but that he had noticed her. 

‘What an odd creature.’ He thought.

“I have made cinnamon rolls if you would like some breakfast Loki.” Vision said. 

After three hours of sharing a space, Loki found Vision to be a reasonable enough character to tolerate being in a room with. It dumbfounded Loki that a being in possession of so much power could be so docile. Then again, this thrown together band of heroes confused Loki at every turn. 

Loki nodded his head in way of thanks, placed his book on the coffee table and pulled up a chair at the island, just two seats away from Y/N. 

As Vision was about to pull up a chair for himself, a sharp ‘ding’ in the other room grabbed his attention and he promptly excused himself.

Loki noticed how the young woman’s shoulders tensed at the absence of her social crutch. He could sympathise with that; he often inwardly winced when Thor made himself scarce after forcing the trickster to socialise with his friends.

He turned to look at her again, fascinated by her awkward social skills. He could sense she was summoning the courage to speak from the knitting of her brow and the twiddling of her thumbs.

‘Ignore it.’ He told himself. ‘Do not attempt to ease her discomfort.’ 

Why should he care if she was uncomfortable? She was no different from any other mortal in this damned place, if he gave an inch, she would probably take a mile. Besides, she should feel uncomfortable, right? She is in the presence of a God, one who could squash her like a bug if he so wished. 

And yet, telling himself all this, and returning to the baked goods in front of him, did not ease his mind.

She quietly cleared her throat as if about to speak but fear seemed to grasp the words before they could tumble from her lips. The look of disappointment on her face when she failed to speak sparked something in Loki.

‘She’s trying.’ He thought. 

Loki decided to meet her halfway. He reached for the teapot Vision had kindly filled for them and poured himself a cup.

Loki turned to Y/N, “Tea?”

The sound of another voice startled Y/N at first, but the relief she felt for the ice having been broken outweighed her surprise.

She nodded quickly, a small smile on her face as he poured her a cup. 

They both lifted their cups to their lips at the same time. Before taking a sip, Loki heard a small but sure “Thank you.” 

Gods, when was the last time Loki had been thanked for anything? 

They continued in silence, but it was not stifling. When Vision re-entered the room he was surprised to find Y/N still there and in a state of contentment.

It was only his first official day at the Avengers tower, but Loki could say with certainty that there were now two people he could tolerate being in the same room with.


	4. Talks of Shelley

Loki had been on Midgard for five days, sixteen hours, 47 minutes, and 12 seconds. Not that he had been counting or anything.

Life seemed so mundane here. He would wake up, shower, get dressed, raid the fridge for something he could eat without having to cook, or conveniently poke his head out of his room when Vision had begun cooking. 

He would eat and then he would read. Occasionally he would train with Thor when he was allowed to leave the apartment, but that was not often. Loki was on some form of house arrest; he could roam the tower and the lawn but no further.

It’s not like Loki longed to be out in the city he had nearly destroyed, he just hated feeling like a dog on a short leash. 

Loki pondered his new normal as he sat on one of the plush sofa’s in the living area, with the faint noise of Vision sautéing onions in the kitchen.

The ‘ping’ of the elevator doors startled Loki from his melancholy.

“Hey Vision! Hey Mr. Loki!” Peter called out, as he entered the room., large backpack in tow.

Loki nodded in the boy’s direction while Vision gave a warm smile.

“Lovely to see you Peter, here for another tutoring session?” Vision inquired.

Peter sighed, “Yeah, I just don’t get this book Vis. Thank goodness for Y/N.”

At the mention of your name, Loki’s gaze shifted from the book in hand to the young spiderling. 

As if on que, Y/N emerged from her room carrying a stack of books so high they obscured her vision of the path ahead. 

She tilted from side to side, a slight wobble in her step as she walked, but managed to get the books to the coffee table in one piece. 

With a satisfied sigh Y/N looked up to take in her surroundings. Loki noticed her posture shift ever so slightly, altering from relaxed to slightly more restrained.

‘Why must she be so guarded in her own home?’ Loki thought.

“Ready Peter?” Y/N spoke in a soft voice, as she took a seat in the sofa opposite Loki. 

Peter removed his backpack and slumped onto the sofa in the seat next to the trickster. 

“Is anyone ready for Mary Shelley? Why can’t we just do science or engineering?” Peter whined dramatically, with an arm swung over his eyes in mock despair.

“Because you’re not failing science or engineering.” Vision said as a matter of fact, unaware of any offence given.

“Damn that was shady.” Peter mumbled.

“Frankenstein is a beautifully written book…once you get the hang of it.” Y/N spoke, the tiniest hint of a sparkle in her eyes.

As Y/N began to discuss the intricacies of writing structure and character development, Loki found he was drawn further and further out of his own reading. He was intrigued to hear her analysis.

The girl was clearly well read; she spoke with an authority when she discussed literature, there was a confidence in her tone that implied she knew the subject like the back of her hand. This was the most Loki had heard her speak since he had arrived.

“But why does the monster resent Victor? Victor gave him a life and a home. It doesn’t make sense.” Peter said confused and clearly exhausted.

“The creature doesn’t resent Victor; he resents the constraints put upon him.” Y/N explained.

At this point both Vision and Loki were watching her tutor Peter; she was quite a wonder to behold when she was passionate, her eyes sparkled. She smiled as she spoke too, as if the conversation gave her true enjoyment.

“What do you mean?” Peter asked.

“Well, the creature did not ask to be made. He was forced into a world that wasn’t ready for him, expected to know what had not been taught, and to act with morals that had not been demonstrated. Why should he bow his head in apology when no one apologised for making him that way?” 

Y/N’s words grew quieter as she neared the end of her speech, a sudden shyness at the realisation she had an audience. 

“I never looked at it that way.” Peter spoke thoughtfully.

Peter’s phone buzzed, his alarm telling him the session was over.

“Thanks Y/N, you’re a life saver!” Peter smiled, 

Y/N gave a shy smile with a faint blush tinting her cheeks. She began to assort her books into an overly tall pile, walking on uneven footing as she took them back to her room.

Loki inadvertently smiled at the sight.

“Are you guys coming to the firework show tonight?” Peter asked after slugging his heavy backpack onto his shoulders.

“Miss Maximoff and I will be there.” Vision confirmed.

“Mr Loki?” 

Loki looked to the spider child, “No, I don’t think I will.”

Peter smiled, “Maybe next time then.” He said, his tone assuring.

Loki gave a tight-lipped smile, “Maybe.”

Peter hesitated, “Should I ask Y/N?”

Vision gave a sad smile, “She won’t come Peter.” 

Peter nodded sadly but accepted Vision's answer. 

Loki wondered how many times she had declined an offer like that.

Y/N returned from her room a little while later and watched Vision, Peter and Wanda wrap themselves up in scarves and winter coats. Wanda was giddy with excitement at trying the hot apple cider. They waved excitedly, Peter promising to bring Y/N back a candy apple.

Y/N looked longingly at their retreating forms. Perhaps it would have been fun to join them, to see the bright colours of the fireworks first-hand, and to smell the hot butter from the popcorn stand. 

‘I bet it would be fun.’ Y/N thought.

The few times Y/N had dared to leave the tower had ended in disaster. Even when Tony made Happy and Rhodey go with her for protection, she had been met with shouts of abuse. One man had hurled a horribly lewd comment her way, prompting Rhodey to put him in a headlock. 

Everyone seemed on high alert when Y/N left the tower; they couldn’t relax out of fear someone would attack or verbally abuse her. That wasn’t fair on them, they worked hard for their time off, they deserved to relax. 

So eventually she stopped going out, it was safer that way.

Y/N was snapped put of her dwellings by Loki’s voice.

“If you want to go with them you should just go.” Loki spoke with disinterest, an admittedly poor attempt to hide his intrigue. 

Y/N hesitated, “That’s okay, I can watch from the window.” She forced a smile, but she knew it hadn’t reached her eyes.

It would be just her and Loki in the apartment tonight, and Y/N began to wonder how to process that fact.

Should she retire early? It was only seven o’clock, maybe she could make some warm milk and fall asleep to a good movie. 

Or she could talk to him.

He had shown her small kindnesses in the few days he had been at the tower. When she was struggling socially, he didn’t push but he didn’t turn away, he just let her be.

She could do the same.

So she did.

“Um..” She started, successfully grabbing attention.

“Would you like to watch with me?” She asked, hands trembling under her overgrown sleeves.

“Excuse me?” Loki asked, unsure of the question. 

“The umm… fireworks? We can watch the show from here.” She said, gesturing to the large window of their apartment, looking over the city. 

“If you want to…” She said, beginning to feel foolish.

“If you want to.” Loki thought over her words. Did he want to? 

Over the last few days, the two of them had seemingly developed an understanding. They were content to be around each other without pressing for personal details. But, if Loki agreed to actively take part in something with her, did that make this something more?

Did it make them friends? Granted, he found himself gravitating towards her company more than anyone else’s in the tower, mostly because she was quiet and wouldn’t look at him with disdain. But friendship seemed excessive, he wasn’t here to make friends.

No, he wouldn’t entertain the thought of socialising with this girl. He didn’t care if she wanted to watch the fireworks, she can go watch them by herself, in her room, away from him. He would, by no means, make this into something more than it was. Absolutely not.

“Okay.” Loki said.

Clearly his mouth and mind were out of sync.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be their first conversation! Hope you're all enjoying, let me know if you have any thoughts or feelings about the chapters :)


	5. Fireworks

They sat awkwardly for seven minutes, neither one having a clue what to say. Y/N wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. ‘Shall we discuss my crippling anxiety or your latest imprisonment?’ Y/N internally scoffed, beginning to feel stupid for suggesting they spend time together.

Unbeknownst to Y/N, Loki was having his own internal battle. ‘Shall I comment on her poor social skills?’ Loki shook his head, as if trying to shake the thought from it. ‘She may react badly to that and question my own introvert lifestyle.’ Loki had spent enough time being interrogated on Asgard; he wasn’t about to let it happen here.

Suddenly Y/N had a thought.

“I could make us some tea.” She said.

Loki lifted his gaze to her and was about to decline when he noticed the look on her face. Her facial features had softened in delight, she was clearly very happy with her own suggestion.

Loki’s own face softened.

“Yes, thank you.” He spoke quietly.

She nodded quickly and jumped up from her seat, seemingly with a spring in her step.

Loki watched her as she moved around the kitchen with ease. She filled the kettle to the top line, clicked the lid back on and flicked the switch for it to boil. During her wait she grabbed two mugs from the cabinet; her own, red with autumn leaves painted on, and his, all black with a gold rim. She then daintily plucked two teabags from the box and placed them in their new homes. She spun on her heel then, her hair swept to the side as she did so.

“Milk and sugar?” She asked.

After a moment Loki answered, “Please.” He had said that twice now, he wasn’t sure how that made him feel.

She gave a swift nod and turned back to the job at hand. She was by no means graceful, her teaspoons of sugar spilled over the sides and onto the counter. She lifted her finger to her lips when the hot water splashed back onto the soft skin there. But despite her clumsiness, her actions were rhythmical, like she had performed them a thousand times before.

She was comfortable enough to move around in this space, make mistakes, reach for the milk tucked away at the back of the fridge. But a simple hello from someone had her second guess her every move.

She grabbed both cups and carried them over to where Loki sat, by the window. 

“Thank you.” He murmured as she passed him his tea.

Y/N sat cross legged next to him on the floor, watching the city below them come to life as the sky grew darker and the streetlights burned brighter.

“The firework show will be starting soon.” She said.

Loki hummed, “What is it for?” 

“It’s to celebrate the winter festival starting. They have rides and games; I’ve heard it’s a lot of fun.” Y/N explained.

Loki lifted an eyebrow, “Have you ever been?”

Y/N shifted slightly, “No…I’ve seen pictures, and Peter always brings back some food from the carnival for me to try.” She smiled. 

“You don’t want to go?” Loki pried, aware that the question may be too overwhelming.

Y/N considered his words, taking a moment to decide how much she was willing to divulge in both thought and feeling. She could be wholly honest and say, ‘Yes Loki, but no one wants to see me out there.’ Or she could say no and lie and have whatever foundations they create tonight rest upon that lie. She decided to go for a third option, a compromise.

“I do, but I’m not ready for all that yet.” She replied, honestly.

Although she hadn’t allowed herself to be vulnerable, she had still revealed more than she was used to. She turned her attention back to the view.

‘Fair.’ Loki thought. She was willing to reveal something of herself without revealing too much. Loki could understand that, and he felt compelled to do the same.

“… The large crowds are quite unappealing.” Loki added.

Y/N looked over to him. She could see what he was doing, offering her an out so that she didn’t have to reveal more than she was willing to give.

A sigh of relief and a genuine smile graced her lips.

“Very… and awfully loud.” She confessed

Loki chuckled, “Quite.”

They resumed their silence for a moment more before Y/N decided to take a leap of faith, to be brave, though her anxieties screamed at her to hide.

“How are you finding it here?” She asked meekly.

Loki was surprised by the question but not offended by it, he probably would have been had anyone else asked. He decided to use the same tactics as her, give a little to achieve a lot.

“It is not quite what I’m used to, but I admit it’s not as terrible as expected.”

Y/N nodded thoughtfully, “I suppose even the grandest of towers is no match for Asgard’s palace.” 

Loki looked at her, “Do you know much about Asgard?” he enquired.

She shook her head, “I don’t have intimate knowledge of the place, only what I’ve read in books and heard from stories. If the illustrations are anything to go by, it is a truly beautiful place.” 

“I have travelled many realms and seen nothing that compares.” Loki admitted.

Y/N was about to ask about his travels but stopped herself. She did not know the circumstances of his travels, but she knew not all of them had been happy. She did not want to make him relive those memories, so she simply smiled and looked out the window. 

The window became a safe space for them. If the conversation lagged or one was feeling overwhelmed, a simple glance at that window provided some support.

Loki turned his attention back to her, “You seem very well read.”

Y/N was caught off guard, “Well read?”

“You read books about Asgard, you speak very passionately about complex texts, and I’ve seen you walk in here with a different book every day.” Loki explained, blushing slightly at the admittance of taking notice of her.

“Oh yes… I enjoy reading very much.” She said then smiled warmly, “My uncle has been kind enough to put a library in the tower, I admit it’s become a place of solitude for me.”

“There’s a library?” Loki spoke with a clear tone of intrigue, though he cleared his throat to disguise it.

Y/N noticed him in that moment. She was not oblivious to the fact that Loki was handsome; his sharp jawline and high cheekbones were evidence enough of that. His green eyes and alabaster skin contrasted so elegantly against his ink black hair. Y/N could happily admit she thought him attractive, but in that brief moment she could admit attraction. She could have sworn she saw a glimmer of light in those orbs of emerald at the mention of a library. His posture was looser, and his brow had risen. He looked young and, dare she say, innocent. 

“Yes, it’s quite remarkable actually…I could show you where it is some time?” Y/N said, her voice growing ever quieter as it did in a state of nervousness.

For the first time since arriving on Midgard, Loki had something to look forward to and he felt incredibly grateful for that fact. He didn’t want to seem too eager, so he waited a few moments before responding.

The wait was excruciating for Y/N, “It’s okay if…” she began, but Loki cut her off.

“I would like that.”

Y/N paused, “Okay.” She smiled.

They looked at each other then, at peace with the mutual recognition that they had progressed into some form of camaraderie. 

The sound of a distant bang followed by a quieter crackle drew their attention back to the firework show. Bursts of green, blue and red smeared across a black canvas; the arms of the fireworks spread across the night sky enveloping New York in its warm embrace.

“I’ve never understood the Midgardian fascination with these explosions.” Said Loki.

Bella chuckled at that, “I’m afraid we bring them out for any happy occasion. I believe the English dedicate a whole day to it, the origin story comes from the attempted assassination of one of their kings.” Y/N told him, revealing her fountain of what she deemed useless knowledge.

“Oh? Do go on.” Loki insisted, his curiosity piqued.

Y/N smiled at his interest, “Well it’s known as the gunpowder plot of 1605…”

They continued to discuss Midgard’s celebrations long into the night, only finishing their conversation when Peter arrived with the promised candy apples; one for Y/N and even one for Loki. They had both agreed to meet after breakfast the next day so Y/N could take him to the library.

It was the first time since arriving at the tower that Loki had looked forward to getting up in the morning.

It was the first time in her life that Y/N had looked forward to making a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do we think the first conversation went? :)


	6. Books and Grief

Darkness. Heat, a burning, blinding fire. Wet stones shaking beneath him. The echoes of footsteps left, right, louder, and louder.

“Asgardian.” They sneer.

Left, right, louder, and louder.

“Jotun.” They mock.

Left, right, louder, and louder.

“Forgotten Prince. Left to die.” 

Left, right, louder, closer.

“No more chances, Laufeyson…”

He tries to yell but his lips cannot move. A cold, scaley hand creeps over his face, covering his eyes. He knows what comes next. No….no, no, no….

“NO!” Loki yells as he bolts upright in his bed. 

His chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath. He pulls off his shirt, removing the discomfort of the cold sweat clinging the material to his skin. After a moment or two, he regains control, his breathing regulates, and he takes in his surroundings. The sight of his mundane room at the avenger’s tower, providing him some relief.

He gets up from his bed and walks to the en-suite; he fills up a glass of water and drinks it in one go. As he puts down the glass, he notices his reflection in the mirror, but leaves before he can take a good look at himself. After the incident…after New York, Loki found it hard to look at himself; shame would wash over him, and with it, a wave of nausea.

He walked over to the window, the cool breeze providing some comfort. He stayed there until the sun came up.

Y/N had been walking up and down the corridor that joined hers and Loki’s room for the past fifteen minutes. 

‘What if he wants to go back to sleep, we did stay up late talking.’ Or, ‘He didn’t look well at breakfast, maybe I should leave him be.’ Were just two of the thoughts swarming around Y/N’s head as she debated knocking on his door.

‘Just do it.’ This thought was the loudest and strongest of them all, so she listened.

A light tap, one, two, three, and the deed was done. She unconsciously held her breath to await his response, her thumbs twiddling, and breathing quickening.

A moment passed before the door opened, Loki stood before her in a black long-sleeved shirt and jeans. Despite his muscles being obvious under the tight fabric, it looked soft. He had taken to wearing Midgardian clothing; Thor had provided him with some clothes on his arrival to make Loki look more casual and less threatening. Y/N noted that no matter the clothing, a God was still a God, the ability to always look ethereal was just in their nature.

“Ready?” Loki said. 

Y/N let out the breath she’d been holding and nodded with a kind smile.

Unbeknownst to Y/N, Loki had been aware of her pacing back and forth but was determined not to push her. He wanted her to have the option to back out if she wanted to, though he could not deny the small feeling of disappointment he felt in his chest at the thought she might change her mind. 

But she didn’t disappoint, and after Loki’s torturous night he was grateful not to be left with his own thoughts.

Loki and Y/N walked through the joint living room on their way to the library; Vision, Wanda and Peter were already there enjoying a peaceful Sunday with pastries and coffee. They appeared to be preparing a feast for the day.

“Good morning Loki, little miss.” Greeted Vision happily, Peter waved to indicate a hello while his mouth was stuffed with croissants.

Loki nodded with the hint of a smile on his lips.

“Good morning.” Y/N spoke quietly.

“There’s plenty of pastry if you guys want more food.” Wanda offered.

“No thank you, Y/N was about to show me the library.” Loki said.

Everyone paused, Peter mid bite, Wanda mid sip of her coffee, and Vision mid distribution of omelettes, causing one to slip of the spatula in slow motion and unceremoniously splat onto the table.

“You offered to show Loki around?” Vision asked.

Y/N shifted on the spot, “Umm, yes…” She said, barely above a whisper.

The three friends smiled fondly at the situation in front of them, they couldn’t remember the last time Y/N had volunteered to do anything of her own volition. Not that she was lazy or unwilling, she was just so scared, and they found it remarkable that, of all people, it was Loki who had brought out this side of her.

“Have fun.” Wanda said warmly. With that, the pair walked out of the kitchen to the library one floor below. 

The journey to the library was a quick one, before they opened the large doors Y/N paused. This was her sanctuary, a place she didn’t have to hide, where she knew no one could harm her. She was taking a big leap of faith in trusting Loki with this space, but part of her felt like he needed it. She wasn’t a greedy person; she could share her little safe haven.

“So, this is your library.” Loki stated, sensing her trepidation. 

“I suppose so. Uncle Tony filled this room with my favourite books when I was little and came to visit, so I’ve always secretly thought of it as mine...” She said meekly, her hair shielding her face.

“…But you can come hear anytime you wish…if you want.” Y/N added.

Loki smiled at her, a real smile indicating true appreciation, “Thank you.” He said in earnest.

Y/N’s cheeks were ruby red, so she made herself busy and opened the doors.

Loki wasn’t sure what he had expected, a room with a few bookshelves and a seating area maybe. He certainly didn’t expect wall to ceiling bookshelves in a labyrinth like design, their destination leading to soft leather sofa’s and a large fireplace.

“Your Uncle made this for you?” Loki said is wonderment as he looked at the endless shelves.

Y/N nodded happily, “Yes. It was much smaller when we started this little project. Over the years it just got bigger and bigger.” She chuckled.

He liked the sound of her soft laugh.

She didn’t give away much, but Loki was slowly starting to put together a picture of who this young woman was. The latest piece of the puzzle was ‘beloved niece.’ It was clear Stark doted on his sweet niece; to build her something she truly loved and could build on for years to come showed a great deal of devotion. Loki recognised that kind of devotion as one born from tragedy.

Y/N showed him how everything was organised in genre then alphabetical. Her system impressed him greatly and he pulled out a few books from their slots to bring with them to the seating area. 

They read quietly for a couple of hours when Y/N began to feel cold. She moved over to the fire to start it and sat there as the cold in her skin began to thaw.

Loki watched the light from the flames illuminate her soft features. In her state of tranquillity, Loki allowed his words to be unguarded.

“You don’t look much like your uncle.” Loki noted.

Y/N whipped her head around to face him, “Oh, no I don’t, sorry.” She said with a small laugh, as she played with the ends of her hair.

Loki frowned. He didn’t like that laugh, it was different to the light chuckle she gave when pleased; no, this one masked discomfort and he wasn’t happy he had caused it.

“You needn’t apologise, it was merely an observation.” He assured her, shocked by his overwhelming urge to reassure her.

“Sorry… I mean, well… I don’t really take after my mother’s family in appearance.” She clarified, feeling silly for assuming his anger.

“So, your mother was Stark’s sister? I wasn’t aware he had much family.” Loki said. With the man of Iron spending so much time with the avengers, it was hard to think of him with a family. In fact, it was hard to imagine any of these heroes with a family waiting on them.

Y/N smiled sadly, “He doesn’t talk about her much.” She said softly.

Loki looked at her, there was a maturity in her countenance, as though she understood something beyond her years.

Loki hesitated, “May I ask why?”

Y/N wasn’t sure how to go about explaining her mother to Loki. The truth was Tony could talk endlessly about Rafael and recount old memories; but when it came to his sister, he froze. Her death had caught Tony off guard and with the chaos around the situation, he never got a chance to take a moment and grieve. So, he never spoke about her, not even to Y/N, and out of respect for her uncle, Y/N stopped talking about her too.

She wanted to talk about her though, without fear of upset or melancholy.

“My mother died quite suddenly when I was younger, it’s a sensitive subject for my uncle.” Y/N explained.

Loki nodded in understanding, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” Y/N said with a sad smile.

“What was she like?” Loki asked, catching Y/N off-guard.

He was about to regret his intrusiveness, but then she positively beamed at him with a smile so breath-taking, he found himself smiling in return.

“She was beautiful.” Y/N spoke wistfully. “She was so clever, we used to read together in my father’s study. She seemed to inhale books, she read them so quickly. She wasn’t just book smart though… the way she spoke was eloquent too. We used to have family and friends over for dinner every few months; whenever she walked into the room, she seemed to command it. I would watch everyone as they watched her, its like they were in a trance.” 

Y/N spoke with pure adoration, it would appear she had inherited her mother’s ability to capture an audience, Loki couldn’t look away.

“Sometimes she would join my father’s meetings; a room filled with giant men shouting one another down, yet one word from her could silence them all. She was a force of nature.” Y/N smiled, happy to have finally said out loud the thoughts she had kept tucked away.

“I’m sorry, I got carried away…” Y/N spoke shyly.

“No.” Loki said quickly, surprising both Y/N and himself. “Don’t apologise…thank you for sharing that with me. It must be hard for you…not to talk about her.”

Loki felt suddenly very shy himself, but Y/N gave him that dazzling smile.

“Thank you for listening.” She said. 

It was clear Y/N had wanted to speak about her mother to someone for quite some time. Loki admired her sensitivity and came to the conclusion that she may be looking after Tony as much as he looked after her.

A few moments silence passed when Loki decided he ought to be less guarded with her in return. They appeared to be exchanging memories and anecdotes as currency, slowly learning more about each other through these transactions.

“I can understand…why your uncle doesn’t wish to talk about her. I still struggle to discuss my mot-“ he paused, “Frigga.”

Y/N nodded in understanding, “I’m sorry you lost her, that must have been hard for you.” She said 

Loki nodded, “It was, but time appears to heal most wounds.”

Y/N offered a sympathetic smile, “It does, I’ve found that the loss never truly goes away but that can be a good thing sometimes. Reminders of what you lost makes you remember what you had; eventually the memories replace the grief.”

She was wise beyond her years and Loki found comfort in her words.

They continued to read long into the day until they both realised they hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in some time. They walked happily to the living area of their apartment, content in one another’s company.

“Perhaps I should read this book series the spider boy raves about.” Loki contemplated holding a copy of the philosopher’s stone in his hand.

Y/N gave that sweet chuckle, “They’re excellent books, and there are movies too.”

“Movies?” Loki asked, looking at Y/N confused.

Their brief laughter was interrupted by Thor who had just walked into the kitchen.

Thor looked perplexed at the scene before him; his brother and Stark’s niece sat at the kitchen island eating left over pastry and discussing books.

“Brother.” Thor greeted.

Loki turned to his sibling, “Thor.” He nodded in greeting. 

Loki watched as his brother looked over to Y/N, a slight frown on his lips and his posture solid and unmoving.

Loki looked over to Y/N and found she had made herself as small as possible, her head slightly bowed as she rubbed her hands nervously.

“I should be going to bed, umm goodnight.” She said though it was barely audible.

As she scuttled out the room, Thor began to relax. “Good day brother?” Thor enquired patting his brothers back as he got himself a drink out the refrigerator. 

“Fine.” Loki said, irritated by Y/N’s absence and the way in which it came about. 

Thor was acting as though nothing had happened, which irked the trickster even more.

“What was that?” Loki demanded.

Thor looked up from the pastry he had snagged, “What was what?”

“That little display of dominance you used to frighten her off.” Loki said, practically through gritted teeth.

Thor sighed, running his hand through his hair, “I know, I know, I just don’t trust them.”

Loki was confused, “Them? Do you mean Y/N?”

“Well yes.” Thor said matter of factly, “Surely you recognise her?”

Loki’s look of puzzlement led Thor believe that his brother was none the wiser. 

“She’s a Tatum, Rafael’s daughter. You remember them brother! Father had us watch over them these many years.” Thor explained.

Loki thought back, trying to place a face to the name, when suddenly it dawned on him. “The Tatum Clan? I thought Odin said they had died out.”

“They have.” Thor said, with a mouth full of food. He gestured to the empty spot where Y/N once was, “She’s the last of them.”

It clicked into place now. Her hair, her eyes, he knew he had seen them before. It was hard to believe she was a descendent of such a brutal clan. Loki remembered stories of their raids and pillaging, and from what he could recall the years hadn’t softened them. 

How did Stark know them? How could his sister marry one of them? Did Odin know about Y/N? This clarification had only provided Loki with more questions.

It was then that Loki thought about Thor’s reaction to Y/N.

“Is that why you’re cold to her? Because of her family?” Loki asked.

Thor paused his eating, contemplated the question, and sighed, “Its not that I dislike her, I simply don’t know what she is capable of or if she is trustworthy. You remember them brother, they were not kind people.”

‘But she is.’ Loki thought

They sat in silence until Thor decided he was going to bed. As Thor was walking out of his brother’s apartment, Loki spoke up.

“Do you judge me?”

Thor turned to find his brother looking down to the floor, avoiding his gaze. “Judge you?”

“For being Laufey’s son? For being Jotun? For my family history?” Loki asked.

“Brother… never, I do not judge you for your true form…”

Loki stood up and made his way to his own room, “Then perhaps you should show her the same courtesy.” Loki said as he walked away.

Thor watched him leave and wondered what had come over his brother. Whatever it was, it had certainly given Thor a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter than usual, let me know what you think :)


	7. Popcorn

She could hear the waves crashing upon the stones below their house, the fresh smell of sea air touched her nose. Y/N was a little girl sat in her bed. The lights were dimmed, and the room was warm, Y/N looked around at her soft toys: one a grey wolf from her uncle Tony, one a raven from her father’s younger brother, Regin. They sat at the bottom of her bed, guarding her as she slept. Y/N felt the warmth of her mother as they sat together on the little girl’s bed.

“…and so the young maiden said goodnight to her ghosts, and danced back to her chambers to await another day.” Lia said, concluding the bedtime story. 

“Goodnight sweet girl.” Lia got up and went to switch out the light.

“But mama…” Y/N spoke.

Lia sighed but gave a knowing smirk, “Y/N you promised one more story and you’d go to sleep.”

“But I have questions.” Y/N said timidly.

Lia perched onto the end of her daughter’s bed, “Don’t you always. I will answer one, and then you must go to sleep.”

Y/N pulled down her duvet so she could sit up and talk, “Why is the young woman not afraid of the ghosts?”

Lia smiled, “There is nothing frightening about ghost’s sweet girl, they were people just like you and me. They have histories, families, homes, they should be allowed to visit every once in a while.”

Y/N smiled, “It’s nice that they visit.”

All of a sudden, the room went dark and Y/N was no longer a little girl, “I miss you.” 

Lia smiled sadly at her daughter, as she opened her mouth to speak, Y/N woke up.

Y/N opened her eyes slowly, a single tear escaping when she realised it was only a memory. She didn’t move for a while, she tried to fix her eyes shut again in hopes she could return to her dream, but the tears stung too much to keep them closed for long. 

Y/N didn’t have nightmares, not really. Occasionally she would remember the bloodshed on the steps leading up to her home, or the gaping wound in her father’s side as they laid him to rest on the bed; but they were not the memories that haunted her. No, her dreams always consisted of warm and loving memories, and in a way they hurt more. She would spend mere minutes reliving moments of bliss, then awaken to a world she feared. She was not ungrateful by any means, she loved her uncle and all he had done for her; she just found it hard sometimes, to acknowledge that she will never go back to the life she once lived.

Y/N looked to her nightstand where her clock read 3:12am. She looked around her room, spotting her grey wolf, and fluffy raven sat on the bookshelf across the room, still watching over her after all these years. She removed herself from the warmth of her blankets, snuck her feet into her fuzzy slippers and made her way quietly out of her room. 

She made one cup of tea and one cup of coffee on her way to the lab on the first floor. She followed the sound of drilling and metal clanging, knowing it would lead her to her chosen destination.

And there she found him, Uncle Tony. He removed his safety goggles and gloves taking the coffee she handed him.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked, she shook her head in response.

“Me neither. Pepper thinks it’s my excessive caffeine intake.” He said, imitating Pepper’s voice.

“Not the nightmares?” Y/N inquired shyly.

Tony looked up at her with a tired smile, “Always the nightmares.” He admitted.

Y/N nodded, “Need some help?” 

Tony chuckled, “Sure, you can do the paperwork, you know I hate that part.”

They worked together, making idle conversation as they did so. 

“So…Vision tells me Loki is settling in.” Tony said, he had been itching to bring up the topic of Loki but didn’t want to overwhelm her.

“He seems to be.” Y/N replied, not lifting her gaze from the charts in her hands. 

Tony nodded, “Good…good…and you’re getting along with him…?” 

Y/N decided to cut to the chase, “Subtlety is not your strong suit uncle, what is it you would like to say?” she said with a grin.

“Don’t look at me like that, I just want to make sure you’re being careful. He has a track record; we can’t just trust the guy because Thor’s given him a thumbs up. For all we know he could be pretending to be calm and collected, and when we least expect it, he’ll…” Tony was working himself up to a rant.

Y/N placed her hand over his, “Uncle Tony, please don’t worry. I’m okay.” 

Tony seemed soothed and decided to say no more in the subject. They kept working till dawn; when the sun came up Tony looked over to his niece. She had fallen asleep on a stack of papers, pen held loosely in her hand. He draped his fleece over her and let her sleep.

The avengers assembled for their monthly meeting in the conference room on the second floor. Sam was teasing Bucky about not understanding the order sizes at Starbucks. 

“Surely just asking for a large will do!” Bucky said, clearly irritated.

“Man, large can range from a grande to a venti, you’ve got to be specific.” Sam teased.

Bucky rolled his eyes. 

Nat and Steve listened to Bruce explain a new theory, Steve nodded to mask his confusion on the subject.

Meanwhile, Clint moved over to Wanda and Vision’s side of the room when he saw Thor and Loki enter. 

Last to arrive were the Stark clan, Pepper by Tony’s side and Y/N and Peter behind them. 

Loki was surprised to see Y/N at the meeting. Since their library trip a couple days prior, he hadn’t seen much of her. He assumed his brother had something to do with it, perhaps she worried Loki regarded her in the same way now.

“Shall we begin the meeting?” Steve spoke up, gathering the attention of the room.

“Not so fast capsicle.” Tony interrupted, earning an eye roll from the captain. “I want everyone to drop what they’re doing tonight, we have plans.”

Half the room sighed while the other groaned.

“Tony, I don’t want to go to another party, I still have a headache from the last one.” Clint complained, rubbing his forehead.

“And if memory serves me right, last time you fell onto the piano in all your Iron Man glory, causing it to fall through the floor.” Nat pointed out, “You sure you’re ready for that again?”

“It’s not a party, so kindly pause your whining. It’s a movie night.” Tony explained, “Pizza and Netflix, who’s in?”

Everyone agreed, due to a mixture of wanting a cosy night in and relief they wouldn’t have to smell tequila around the tower for the next week.

Loki sat quietly, observing the band of heroes; they were in the midst of discussing which movie to watch, Peter voting for Harry Potter, Sam rooting for Die Hard. 

Loki scanned all their faces, noting the happy and tranquil moment they were sharing; that is, until his eyes landed on Y/N. She didn’t look upset or distressed, she just seemed very focused. Loki could practically feel her overthinking from across the table. 

He then noticed Pepper smile down at the young woman and hold her hand under the table. The action seemed to bring Y/N out of the thought she was currently having; she took a deep breath and began to listen to the debate going on. 

Despite Loki noticing her discomfort, no one else in the room had picked up on it. The second Pepper had noticed, Y/N shook herself out of her reverie. This was another piece in the puzzle, she didn’t want others to worry for her. ‘Is that why she didn’t leave the tower?’ Loki wondered.

The team finally agreed on a movie and went their separate ways. Loki would have to let her know he did not agree with his brother.

Y/N sat in her room reading Wuthering Heights for seemingly the hundredth time, but her mind kept drifting to Loki. She was sure Thor must have told him by now, what would he think of her?

Y/N recalled the day Thor had worked out who her family was. His carefree posture and charming smile altered quickly, his lips forming a thin line and his posture stiffening. He was never outwardly rude to her, nor did he ignore her when she entered the room; but he certainly didn’t welcome her or encourage the idea of friendship between them. It was something that had irked Tony.

She hated the idea that Loki may look at her the same way. She liked being around Loki, she felt calm with him and that was rare for her. 

The alarm on her phone distracted her from her thoughts. 7pm it flashed, movie time. 

Y/N got up and threw on a hoodie, slipping on a pair of fuzzy socks and made her way out of her room. 

She walked to the elevator which took her to the top floor of the tower where the cinema room was. The avenger’s cinema was huge and rivalled any Imax in the city; it took up the entire floor and had a popcorn station on standby, safe to say it was Peter’s favourite room.

The elevator doors pinged, and Y/N walked down the long corridor leading to the big screen. She stood to the side of the hallway, safely hidden in a little nook just off the right side of the doorway. She could see almost everyone handing out pizza boxes and laughing at something Wanda had said. 

It was time for Y/N to do her little ritual.

Although she was reasonably comfortable with each avenger by now, big gatherings still intimidated her. She believed it had something to do with not knowing what each person was doing at any given time. Tony said she got that from her father.

So, before big gatherings like this, she would count and with each number she would name an avenger she could talk to if uncomfortable. There wasn’t an exact science to it, but it seemed to help.

“One, Tony.” She whispered, “Two, Pepper. Three, Peter. Four, Vision. Five, Bucky. Six…”

“Ranking your favourites?” She heard from behind her.

She jumped with a strangled yelp and turned.

“Loki, you startled me.” She said, catching her breath.

Loki smiled, “My apologies. Why are you hiding…and counting?” he asked. 

Y/N blushed furiously, “It just helps…organising things…helps….” She muttered.

Loki nodded in understanding, “With the crowds?” 

She nodded.

“Perhaps I should give it a try.” Loki said, earning a shy smile from Y/N.

They stood there a little while in silence, “You’re not going in?” Y/N asked, though her eyes still didn’t meet his.

“I haven’t seen much of you these past few days.” Loki said, ignoring her question. “Have you been avoiding me?”

“No!” Y/N said a little too quickly, causing Loki to smile at her honesty. “I just thought you might be busy with your brother; I didn’t think you’d want me to bother you…”

“Because you’re a Tatum.” Loki said matter of factly.

Y/N paused, she looked up at him, scanning his face for any obvious signs of anger or annoyance. Surprisingly she found no judgement in his features.

She bowed her head, “I’m sorry.”

Loki grew sympathetic and grew angrier at his brother. “You needn’t apologise for being born.” He spoke with a chuckle.

Y/N was surprised by his reaction, “I thought you would have shared Thor’s opinion…”

Loki shook his head, “If we all based our opinions on what other’s think, we wouldn’t get very far, would we my dear?” 

Y/N didn’t really know what to think of his relaxed manner and lack of judgement, but she was certainly grateful for it.

She gave Loki that winning smile, the one he always felt honoured for having earnt. 

“Now for the matter at hand. Shall we join the others for ‘movie night’?” Loki asked, causing Y/N to giggle at the way he said movie night.

She nodded, “Okay, would you like to sit with me and Peter? His reactions to the movie are usually more entertaining than the actual movie.” 

Loki chuckled, “How could I say no to that.”

They walked in together and made their way over to Peter who had already saved them two seats beside him.

To everyone’s surprise Thor walked over to the little group with a large bag of popcorn at hand and sat in the seat to Loki’s left. 

Thor turned to his brother and Y/N and cleared his throat, gathering their attention. “Would you like some popcorn Y/N?” He asked, a little meekly, or as meekly as a God can.

Y/N was shocked at first but didn’t want to waste the opportunity to make good with the God of thunder.

She nodded, “Thank you.” She said sweetly, taking a few pieces of popcorn in her hand. 

The lights slowly dimmed till the room was dark and the movie began to play on the big screen. It would appear Peter had won the debate as the famous Warner Brothers logo appeared before them.

Thor didn’t have to look at his brother to know he was grinning. “Stop it.” He whispered to Loki.

Loki chuckled quietly, “Well done…brother.” Loki whispered back.

Thor smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor is a softie really :)


	8. Peaceful Slumber

“Am I not your mother?”

With a pained gasp Loki shot up from his bed, sweat beading on his brow, when would these night terrors end? This nightmare had been a particularly bad one. He could handle the torment of his torturer, the menacing grin, the promises of pain; but the memories of his mother would inflict the most grief. It didn’t matter if they were happy or sad, they were a reminder that she was gone.

Loki could not stay in his room this time, he had to move, he had to distract himself. He made his way to the living room.

At 3am Loki had thought he would be alone, but in the corner next to a small lit lamp was Bella. She was wearing a wool blanket as a shawl, clutching an empty cup of tea in one hand, and in the other a copy of Tess of the d’Urbervilles. Her white fuzzy socks peaked through the cocoon she had made for herself in the armchair; she looked so innocent and content with the world. 

“I believe I’ve tracked that as your fourth book of the week.” Loki spoke softly, grabbing her attention, “and it’s only Wednesday.” 

She laughed quietly, “I seem to have chosen some riveting books this week.” 

“So riveting they’ve kept you from sleep?” Loki asked.

She shook her head sadly. Loki walked into the kitchen, filled the kettle, and switched it on to boil. 

“Nightmares?” Loki pressed.

Y/N looked thoughtful, “In a way…they make me more sad than frightened.” She explained. 

Loki made two cups of tea and brought one over to Bella; she smiled at him gratefully. Loki took a seat on the sofa across from her, looking out the window at the bright lights of New York. His view was obstructed by small gathering raindrops, delicately hanging on the glass.

Y/N had noticed the tired expression on Loki’s face the past few weeks. He tried to disguise it as boredom, but slowly dark circles were forming under his eyes. She had begun to worry for the trickster.

“Is that what’s keeping you awake? The nightmares?” Y/N asked quietly, still afraid of crossing a line.

Loki looked over at her and she could have sworn he seemed relieved; relieved someone had noticed or that he did not have to admit it, she wasn’t sure. 

Loki hesitated, debating whether he should divulge this information. The God of lies decided to be honest; she had shown him nothing but trust and he wanted to return the favour.

“Not all of them are nightmares. They are mostly memories, good and bad.” Loki admitted, his voice low, almost inaudible. 

A long silence followed, comfortable but weighted. There was a lot to be understood from what had not been said. Y/N knew Loki would not reveal more about his dreams, nor would she reveal the details of her own. It was enough to know that they were both haunted by their pasts. 

Loki changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on what he had wanted to escape from.

“I hope Thor is treating you kinder.” He said.

Y/N had noticed Thor had been more hospitable towards her. When making a drink he would offer her one or if asking the group a question he made sure she was included in the conversation. It was a small change, but a significant one. Y/N had wondered if Loki had had something to do with it. 

She smiled, “He is. I don’t think we are friends just yet but maybe in time… I don’t blame him for being wary.”

Loki sighed and brushed his hand through his hair. Y/N liked it when he looked casual like this, he seemed relaxed with her and in turn she relaxed with him.

“My brother should know better than to judge a person for their family. How many would judge him due to their hatred for Odin?” He scoffed.

Bella’s lip quirked upwards remembering her father, “My father would be on that list.”

Loki looked up at her, noting her startled expression, as though the words had slipped out of their own accord.

“Oh? Your father did not care for the almighty Odin?” Loki said, with a devilish grin and a humorous tone.

His teasing smile gave Y/N the permission she needed to carry on without fear of causing offence.

“My father did not care for the Gods. His brother Regin was devoted to Odin, he even raised his sons to worship him. But my father always told me to never trust the Gods.” Y/N said, hearing her father’s words echo through her head.

Loki was surprised. Despite the Tatum Clan being unpopular in Asgard, they were devoted subjects. He would hear their battle cries to Thor on their many raids. He suspected this dedication would dwindle throughout time, but he hadn’t expected a Tatum to cast aside the Gods outright. 

“May I ask why? He asked curiously. 

She remembered her father’s warning, “He said that people spend their entire lives trying to please the Gods, to interpret their teaching and follow them whole heartedly; but the Gods are fickle, what they would teach, they would reinterpret, never to be satisfied with what man can offer. He said he would not live his life depending on their false courtesies and small mercies.”

Y/N stopped and smiled.

“This annoyed my uncle to no end.” She chuckled, “I think my father would say it just to annoy him.”

Loki chuckled with her, “Your father sounds like a wise man. Your uncle’s faith never wavered?”

Y/N shook her head, “He remained loyal to Odin most of his life. He had four strong sons with strong Norse names. He thanked the Gods for them every day, prayed for their safety every day, begged for their bright futures every day.” Y/N’s voice grew quieter towards the end.

Loki noticed her smile had grown sad. “Most of his life?”

“My cousins… Regin’s sons, were some of the first to die when the family were…well.” She never knew what to call the demise of her family, a slaughter? A cull? 

“Regin felt as though his prayers had been ignored. He asked my father why Odin had forsaken him; my father simply told him what he had always told me, that Gods are fickle. They say on his last day Regin did not pray.” She spoke sadly, “Despite my father’s waring, I do hope he and his boys are in Valhalla…it’s all he wanted.” Y/N said.

Loki pondered her father’s words. Pandering to ‘false courtesies and small mercies,’ is that not what Loki had done his entire life? Had he not waited for scraps of kindness from his supposed father only to be condemned for doing just what the Allfather had done himself? Odin had hated the Tatum’s, maybe Rafael was the reason why. Could Rafael see what others had been blind to?

Y/N could feel Loki overthinking, she could see it in his eyes too. When Tony began to worry a simple touch of his hand would soothe him; Y/N did not wish to be too forward with Loki, so she changed her method of comfort.

Y/N tightened her blanket around her shoulders and grabbed a few cushions from the neighbouring sofas. She scattered them in front of the giant window, arranging them much like she did the night they watched the fireworks. She sat down in the little den of cushions, looked over to Loki and patted the spot next to her. 

Loki was slightly bewildered by her actions. For a woman wise beyond her years, he had never seen her look so youthful and relaxed. The seat she offered was inviting, it promised warmth and comfort. He took her offer and sat down beside her. 

The pitter-patter of rain against the window was calming. They watched the city continue to go about its business for a little while before Belle spoke up.

“My Uncle told me many stories about the Gods when I was a little girl. Did Thor really dress up as the Goddess Freya?” 

Loki couldn’t hold back his laughter, “Yes my dear, he did. It all started when the giant Thrym snuck into Asgard…”

Loki continued to recount Norse tales from long ago for many more hours. They grew more and more tired as the night went on and eventually fell asleep on the pile of cushions. Y/N was the first to fall asleep, her head resting against Loki’s shoulder; not long after, Loki gave in and rested his head on top of hers, he drifted into a dreamless sleep. 

Loki awoke just two hours later; the tower was still quiet, and the sky was still dark. He looked down to see Y/N resting peacefully in his arms, they appeared to have gravitated closer together in their sleep. 

She was curled into Loki’s side, safe and secure. Loki had one arm tucked behind his head, the other wrapped around the young woman beside him. His cheek rested against her forehead, the gentle flutter of her eyelashes brushing against his chin. 

Loki couldn’t shift the feeling of contentment, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that it meant nothing. The warmth of her body soothed him, her even breathing calmed him. It was the first time he had slept without his memories interrupting him.

It was a big statement of trust for Y/N to fall asleep in front of him, one that Loki would not take for granted.

Slowly and carefully, he lifted her into his arms and carried her over to the sofa. After making sure her head was gently placed upon one of the soft cushions, he draped her blanket over her sleeping form. 

Loki made his way to his own bed and tried to continue his peaceful slumber, but for some reason, when he closed his eyes, he felt like something was missing.

Y/N was confused by her surroundings when she awoke the next day. When the memories of the night before came back to her, she blushed profusely and hoped she had not offended Loki by being so forward. 

“How come you slept out here?” She heard, making her jump off the sofa and onto the floor in shock.

She turned to find Bucky smirking down at her.

“Bucky you scared me!” She said regaining her lost breath.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said sheepishly.

Y/N felt guilty, “I know…I’m sorry. I’m not quite awake yet.” She got up and made her way to the kitchen where a fresh pot of coffee was brewing.

Bucky smiled, “That’s okay, I was just wondering if you wanted anything from the bakery?”

Y/N looked at him surprised, “You’re going out today?”

Like Bella, Bucky did not leave the tower much. He would go out much more frequently than she would, but he had fears of his own. Loud noises startled Bucky, but over the last year or so, he had tried to get used to them and pushed himself to go visit new places.

“Steve is going with me. It’s been a week since I last went out and he’s getting anxious.” Bucky chuckled at his friend’s over protectiveness. 

Y/N gave him a big smile, “That’s great Bucky.”

As they made a small shopping list for Bucky’s bakery trip, Loki came into the room. He hadn’t interacted much with the winter soldier, but he seemed civil.

Y/N noticed Loki enter and found that she felt something akin to nervousness. Was it nerves? Why did she feel this strange flutter in the pit of her stomach? She felt her skin heat up too, making her aware that her cheeks had turned as red as cherries. 

Bucky noticed this change in his friend, he had never seen her so flushed. It was somewhat entertaining.

“Morning.” Loki said.

“Morning.” Bucky replied with no malice or trepidation.

“Yes morning, it’s…um…morning.” Y/N fumbled over her words.

What on earth had gotten into her.

Loki also noticed this change, but believed she merely felt embarrassed about having fallen asleep together. Loki wasn’t offended by this; to rest with someone is an intimate act, especially for someone as timid as Bella. He just hoped she did not regret it.

“Okay…” Bucky said, trying to move away from the awkwardness of the encounter, “I’m heading to the bakery if you want anything?” Bucky asked Loki.

“The bakery?” Loki questioned. 

“It’s just around the corner from here. I can show you if you like?” Bucky offered.

Loki hesitated, “I’m not sure that is wise…”

“If it helps, Steve’s going to be there to make sure I don’t mess up and scare everyone. I’m sure he can babysit the both of us.” Bucky smirked.

His dry sense of humour had caught Loki off-guard. Loki had been somewhat made aware of the circumstances that brought the soldier to the tower. Bucky’s situation was not too dissimilar to his own.

“Well if you think he can handle it...” Loki joked, earning a chuckle from Bucky. 

Bucky got up from his seat, “They don’t call him a super soldier for nothing, shall we?”

Loki was about to follow Bucky to the elevator but stopped to speak to Y/N first. He suddenly felt very shy.

“We could go to the library this afternoon… if you wanted?” he asked.

Y/N was surprised, but so very happy. She lowered her head, hoping her hair would shield the pink of her cheeks from his gaze. “I would like that.”

Loki smiled, “I had better get us some pastries then.”

With that he left, leaving Y/N to think about the God of Mischief and how good it felt to have him so close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing....Bucky! Hope you guys liked the new chapter :)


	9. Carnival

The smell of cinnamon greeted Loki when he woke up. Actually, there were a variety of smells the God could detect. Gingerbread, orange, chocolate, had he fallen asleep in the bakery?

Determined to find the source of such a delicious aroma, Loki vacated his room and made his way to the kitchen. To his surprise, he found Y/N cooking up a storm. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, a few rogue strands framing her face as she worked. She was wearing an oversized apron, the sleeves of her jumper pulled up to her elbows. A light dusting of flower rested on her nose, as well as smears of chocolate running up her forearm. 

She was kneading dough when he approached her.

“Good morning Loki.” She said quickly, not looking up from the job at hand.

“Good morning…” He was about to ask what had inspired this need to bake when he saw the small crowd in the corner of the room.

Vision and Wanda were there, hands covering their mouths as though they were afraid to say something. Bucky stood next to them, a concerned look on his face. Sam was sat down in the armchair, an arm draped over his eyes, like he couldn’t watch anymore. 

“Is everything alright?” Loki directed his question to the room; unsure Y/N would answer. 

After a short silence, Wanda motioned for him to come closer and Loki made his way over to the anxious looking group.

“This is bad.” Sam whispered, looking at the situation before them.

“Very bad.” Bucky agreed.

“What’s bad?” Loki asked, concern growing.

“She’s baking.” Wanda offered.

Loki raised an eyebrow, still unsure of what the problem was.

Vision decided to explain, “She only bakes when she’s panicking. It helps to distract her.”

Loki looked back at the young lady currently putting her forth batch of cookies in the oven. He could see the panic in her movements; she kept her hands busy, grabbing this utensil and that utensil. She didn’t look up and kept a constant focus on the task at hand.

“Why is she panicking?” Loki asked, genuine worry appearing in his voice.

“It’s Peter’s birthday on Friday and he asked Y/N if she would come with us all to the carnival.” Bucky explained.

Loki understood the situation but was confused by the panic, “She has said no before, can’t she decline the offer again.”

Bucky shook his head, “Not this time. Peter is the closest thing to a brother she has, she never wants to disappoint him, especially on his birthday.”

Sam interjected, “Usually Peter’s birthday is the one time she steps out of her comfort zone to celebrate with him. This is a bit bigger than she’s used to though.”

Loki understood the situation. He had been in the tower a little while now, and he had still never seen Y/N leave with the other avengers, or venture to any of the local shops. A carnival must be frightening for her; big crowds, loud noises, it’s enough to make Loki cringe at the thought.

Loki nodded in understanding and made his way over to Y/N. The small group separating and heading to their respective rooms.

“So… the carnival.” Loki spoke up.

Y/N stopped what she was doing but didn’t look up. “I can do it.”

Loki noted the slight crack in her voice, “Peter would understand….”

“No.” She said firmly, “I’m sorry, I just… It’s once a year, I can do it.” 

She continued to roll out the dough, methodically working it until it was thin enough to cut out the gingerbread men shapes.

Loki was sympathetic to her worries. He understood that she was probably overwhelmed by a thousand thoughts whizzing through her head at a moment notice. How often had he been plagued by his own anxieties? How often had he wanted someone to be there? To reassure him? He’d never admit it though, his pride always got the better of him.

“I’ve never been to a Midgardian carnival; I suspect it will be a new experience for both of us.” He said. 

Y/N hummed in acknowledgment.

“It may make things easier if we go together, I’m still not overly fond of crowds…” Loki trailed off listing other issues he had with the carnival.

Y/N stopped what she was doing and looked at the God in front of her. He was offering support. Y/N thought back to her father’s word ‘never trust the Gods,’ but what about this God? What would her father think of the trickster who had held her so tenderly, who had listened to her thoughts and feelings? Y/N couldn’t help but feel safe with him. 

“Okay.” She said, interrupting him.

“Okay?” He asked, but Y/N knew he meant ‘are you sure?’

“Okay.” She confirmed, more confidently.

“Okay.” Loki smiled. “Now that that’s decided, shall we try some of your baked goods?”

Y/N giggled at the trickster’s sweet tooth, but nevertheless served him a plate of sugared cookies and gingerbread men.

She could do this.

Friday came quickly and the avengers assembled on the ground floor, scarves, and gloves at the ready. Loki waited by the elevator doors for Y/N to arrive and she didn’t disappoint. At the ping of the elevator doors she emerged, A mustard yellow hat atop her head, with a matching scarf and gloves to complete the look. Loki couldn’t help but find her adorable in that moment, especially with her rain boots on. He scolded himself for thinking this way.

Y/N instantly felt better when she saw Loki already there. She hoped she had taken enough precaution; wearing a hat to cover her hair would disguise some of herself, and they were going out at night so the darkness should obscure people’s view of her.

Loki offered Y/N his arm and she took it gladly as they walked over to the rest of the group. Y/N was aware of the concerned look on her uncle’s face as he saw her with Loki, but her worries were pushed aside when she saw the genuine happiness on Peter’s face.

Peter walked over to her, “Thank you so much Y/N. It means a lot that you’re here.”

Y/N smiled, knowing that his happiness made all the effort worth it, “I wouldn’t miss it.” She spoke honestly.

“Peter!” Tony called, “Lead the way birthday boy.”

Everyone cheered as the birthday boy opened the doors to the tower and led everyone to the carnival.

Although Y/N was nervous, she had to admit that a small part of her was excited. She would finally smell the popcorn and see the lights. She could ride the Ferris wheel and see the city without a glass screen in the way. 

Loki could sense that glimmer of excitement. And he too had to admit excitement. He held no emotional attachment to these Midgardian festivities, but they were clearly important to Midgardian culture; just to see her smile at having seen these things for the first time, that was enough to make Loki happy.  
A few more steps and they had arrived, Y/N stood before the giant glowing sign with wonder in her eyes. She could hear laughter, feel happiness, the atmosphere was overwhelmingly good. Loki smiled down at her childlike wonder.

The group decided to split up into smaller groups. Steve, Nat, Sam, and Bruce made their way to the arcade games. Vision and Wanda joined Tony and Pepper on the duck pond. Thor and Clint decided to compete on the high striker. Even Rhodey and Happy had made it for the trip, though they decided to hang back and laugh at Tony’s poor attempts to win Pepper a prize.

To Steve’s surprise, Bucky opted to join Peter, Y/N, and Loki, the four deciding to go for food first.

“Well Y/N, first time at the carnival, what are you going to order?” Bucky asked.

Y/N hesitated, “Oh I don’t know…Peter says the corn dogs are good?” she said in an unsure tone.

“I know!” Peter exclaimed then ran off, without further explanation.

The three were left confused but nevertheless found a table where they could wait for the young spiderling.

Eventually Peter returned, with a hoard of food in his arms.

“Peter this could feed everyone at the tower.” Y/N laughed.

“You’ve gotta try everything Y/N! Make up for lost time.” Peter explained.

The four tucked into their meals, laughing and joking at Peter’s antics. Bucky and Loki got on very well; they both shared a dry, sarcastic sense of humour, and it was amusing to watch their jokes bounce off one another.

Y/N felt real joy in that moment. She didn’t fear the onlookers or what people were saying behind their hands; she was present and in the moment. 

After finishing their meals Peter challenged Bucky to a shooting game to win a prize. The former soldier decided he would let the birthday boy win, but he wouldn’t make it easy.

“Is there anything else you would like to tick off your list while you’re here?” Loki asked.

Y/N considered his question but was too shy to ask what she really wanted to do.

“Y/N?” Loki pressed with a tone of knowing.

She smiled shyly, “I have always wanted to go on the Ferris wheel. It’s not the most exciting thing to do, but I’ve always been curious to try…” she admitted.

Loki stood up and held out his hand, “Shall we?”

Y/N took his hand without hesitation and gave him that beautiful smile he longed to see.

Loki was surprised by how open he was with Y/N. He would willingly hold her hand, he dreamt of sleeping by her side again, and though ashamed to admit it, he would list in his head all the ways in which he had made her smile.

They took their seat on the Ferris wheel, and as the music started to play, the ride began to move.

Y/N took it all in, the smell of the candyfloss, the sound of cheering as another game was won. Was she right to be so scared of all this? Or had she only robbed herself of happiness.

She turned to her companion, “Thank you Loki.”

Loki looked to her, confused, “Whatever for?”

Their carriage stopped still at the top of the Ferris wheel; the beautiful cityscape laid before them. The lights of the carnival below them shone bright; rich reds, warm yellows, glowing softly and illuminating the happy faces of passers-by. 

“Life on Midgard cannot be as interesting as Asgard, and I’m sure living in the tower is not the kind of life a prince is used to…but I want you to know that I am grateful you’re here.” Y/N said with a deep certainty. 

Loki was taken aback by her words, his silver tongue seemed to have disappeared in that moment.

She looked up at him with those gentle eyes, “I like that you’re here.” She said a little more quietly.

His gaze flickered to her lips, and unguarded he spoke, “I like being here.”

They drifted closer to one another, the promise of something more hanging in the air above them. He wondered what those soft lips would feel like against his, would they taste just as sweet as he had imagined?

Just as they were about to close the gap between them, the Ferris wheel began to move again. The movement shook them out of the trance they were both under. They separated, Loki clearing his throat as a sudden wave of nervousness washed over him. Y/N blushed bright red as she tried to hide her burning cheeks in the folds of her scarf.

When the ride came to an end, they left their carriage and decided to meet up with Bucky and Peter. They didn’t talk about what almost happened, but Loki did slip Y/N’s hand into his own, noting the small smile that played on her lips as he did.

As they made their way over to their friends, Loki noticed more people looking at them and he overheard some of them talking.

“Shouldn’t be out here… why do they allow it?”

“I don’t think it should be allowed, what will people think?”

“It’s cruel.”

Loki had feared this. The people of New York looking at him with hatred in their eyes, disdain in their voices. He feared Y/N would overhear them and think the same. He couldn’t help but overhear their complaints.

“…should have died with the rest of them.” 

‘The rest of them?’ Loki thought, what did that mean? He scanned the crowd looking at the people watching him, only they were not watching him. He looked down at Y/N, she kept her eyes to the ground, hiding her face in her scarf. She looked scared. Loki realised in that moment that the looks of hatred were aimed at her.

“Y/N?” He said softly, turning his body so that he was shielding her from their view.

“I’m sorry.” She said, so quietly he could barely hear her, but he did detect the shake in her voice.

Before Loki could speak someone yelled in their direction.

“Lock her back up in the tower, we don’t need their sort here!” One man yelled, earning cheers from others. 

Before Loki could respond he felt a strong metal arm on his shoulder.

“Happy is getting the car, you should take her home.” Bucky said.

Loki didn’t question his new friend; he wrapped his arm around Y/N’s waist and ushered Y/N out of the carnival.

Happy was in the car waiting, a worried look on his face as he spoke on the phone. “Yeah Tony she’s here, I’ll take her straight home.”

Y/N and Loki sat in the backseat, there was nothing to say. It was foolish of her to think people had forgotten, that she could go out without a care in the world. 

They pulled up to Stark tower. As they were about to step out of the car, Happy spoke up.

“Tony is personally seeing to those idiots Y/N; it won’t happen again.” He tried to sound encouraging, but he knew Y/N wouldn’t be stepping out of the tower any time soon.

Y/N nodded and vacated the car. Loki followed after her though he didn’t know what to do or say to be of any comfort.

Her steps were quick as they walked to the elevator. The elevator ride to their apartment seemed to last forever. The ping was like music to Y/N’s ears as she stepped out and made her way to her room.

“Y/N…” Loki began.

“I’m sorry Loki.” She interjected. “I didn’t mean to cut your night short… I think I’ll just go to bed.”

She gave him that sad smile, the one that didn’t reach her eyes and Loki felt his heart tug at the sight. She walked to her room without turning back and Loki felt completely useless. He wanted to comfort her but wasn’t sure how. He stayed in the living area; he wasn’t sure what he was waiting for. He just felt that if he went to his room that would be it for the night. The memory of the evening would hang off this sour note.

He sat there for twenty minutes, an internal conflict going on in his head. 

Loki had been sensible when it came to his feelings towards Y/N. He accepted the comradery and enjoyed the company she gave him. Yes, on a few occasions he had slipped up, perhaps shown more than he had initially intended to give; but Loki always convinced himself that it hadn’t meant anything. The flutter he felt when she smiled at him was involuntary, he couldn’t control it. The time they fell asleep in each other’s arms was accidental, he couldn’t be blamed for his unconscious actions. He would tell himself this over and over again, but as time passed another voice would accompany these thoughts. No, he hadn’t intended to hold her that time, but he did voluntarily hold her hand at the carnival. He had happily suggested spending time together in the library.

His sensible side, the one that had dismissed these sweet moments, told him to leave her be, give her the space she asked for. But that little voice was louder this time; the thought of leaving her in her room to think about what those people had said made Loki anxious.

Without allowing himself a chance to talk himself out of it, Loki stood up and quickly made his way to the door of Y/N’s room. He was about to knock when he heard the unmistakable sound of a sniffle. All form of boundaries aside, he opened the door.

Sat on the floor by the large window on the far wall was Y/N, wrapped in her blanket, wiping away her tears with the corner of her jumper sleeve. The only light in her room came from the fairy lights she had hanging from her shelves.

She looked up at Loki as he entered the room, and the few scattered tears became a stream.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” She said, wiping her face furiously, embarrassed by her tears.

Loki took long strides to get to her, he picked her up bridal style and sat her down on his knee. She curled into him, resting her weary head in the crook of his neck. 

She continued to apologise but Loki shushed her as he rubbed his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.

Once she had control of her breathing she spoke, “I don’t want you to think I’m weak…tonight was just… it was…”

“I know.” He said. 

He kissed her forehead and held her for as long as she needed. 

Loki noticed her breathing evening out, and her eyes growing heavy. He lifted her in his arms and carried her over to her bed. He was about to leave but she delicately took hold of his hand.

When he looked at her face, she suddenly looked very unsure of herself. He was about to ask if she wanted him to stay when she beat him to it.

“Would you stay? ... please.” She said quietly. 

He smiled, “Of course.”

They lay on their sides, Loki’s arm draped over Y/N’s waist, her own wrapped around his middle; she rested her head on his chest and Loki breathed out a sigh of contentment. 

Just as sleep was about to take him, he heard, clear as day:

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly sadder chapter but I hope you still enjoyed it! Let me know what you think :)


	10. Thank you

Tony was back in that room again; the same room he visited night after night when he closed his eyes and begged for sleep. He sighed deeply, aware of how this would play out.

“You look worse than I feel.” She joked, though a simple laugh pained her.

Tony shook his head, “Blunt as always sis.” 

Tony walked over to where his sister lay in her bed, trying to ignore the blood-soaked cloth the nurses were taking away. She looked so small laying there; his big, strong sister, looked fragile. He was scared to hold her hand, afraid she might break.

She grinned as best she could, “I can happily say this illness has not dulled my wits.” 

They sat in silence, both aware that more needed to be said.

“Tony…” Lia began.

“You know I was reading about this new study in Sweden.” Tony interrupted.

“Tony…” Lia sighed.

“They’re not saying they can cure this thing, but the experimental procedures have so far proven successful in reducing the more aggressive symptoms…”

“Tony…please.” Lia said, a tone of desperation that made Tony pause.

“I can fix this.” Tony said, though he couldn’t look her in the eye.

Lia placed her hand over Tony’s, an act that still calmed him to this day.

“I love you Tony. I am so proud of the amazing man you’ve become. You’re going to do amazing things with the ideas swirling around in that big head of yours; and I know if anyone could find a way to cure this it would be you…” She smiled.  
Tony looked up at her, a sad smile of his own resting on his lips. 

“…but you can’t fix this one little brother. I’m not recovering from this and I’ve made peace with that.” 

She paused to cough into her tissue; the sound so painful it made Tony wince.

“You can’t fix me, but you can help me Tony.”

Tony moved closer to her, moving the sweat soaked hair off her forehead. “Name it. I’ll do anything. I’ll call dad, he’ll listen…”

“I don’t have long, and with the way things are with the Tatum’s, I’m not sure how long Raf has either.” She said honestly, tears forming in her eyes. “I need you to promise me, Y/N will be safe.”

Tony nodded his head in response, unable to speak. 

“No Tony, I need to hear you say it.” Lia said, her tone firm.

Tony took in a shaky breath, the tears he’d been holding back, suddenly flowing freely. 

“I promise.”

Lia smiled up at her little brother, her features turning from strained to soft. She looked peaceful.

Tony was suddenly out of his body watching the scene in front of him. He watched his sister thank him, he watched himself kiss her forehead and get up to leave.

“Turn around.” Tony said, as he watched his past-self walk towards the door.

But he didn’t slow down.

“Turn around!” Tony yelled, but his past-self had already put one foot out the door.

“Turn around!” Tony yelled again, only this time he wasn’t dreaming, he was in his room at the tower.

Pepper woke up with him; his yells always woke her, but they never surprised her. She tried to comfort him, but he was already out the bed and pacing. She knew what dream had provoked this reaction, and she knew better than to ask about it.

And that was how Tony found himself in the kitchen area of his niece’s apartment. He was drinking his second cup of coffee, trying to keep himself awake so he wouldn’t fall back into that dream. 

The noise of footsteps caught his attention. He hadn’t expected to see the God of Mischief up and about this early in the day. Loki was equally surprised to see Tony in his new living quarters.

“Stark.” Loki nodded.

“Stark? No nickname or snipe?” Tony asked, sarcasm traceable in his tone.

“Cutesy nicknames are more your forte are they not?” Loki quipped, as he prepared the kettle to boil.

Tony scoffed, “You’re losing your touch reindeer games. Perhaps you’re going soft.” 

Loki looked down at the two mugs he’d laid out on the counter, “Perhaps.” 

They went about their business in silence, neither one paying much attention to the other.

“How was she?” Tony asked, unable to look up at the God.

Loki looked over at Tony, noticing that the billionaire’s normal arrogant posture had altered to something humbler and shyer.

“She was upset, understandably.” Loki spoke truthfully. 

Tony nodded, “I should have taken more precautions.” he said, more to himself than Loki.

Loki continued to make two cups of tea in silence. He was about to return to Y/N’s room when he noticed the look of despair in Tony’s eyes. From the amount of time Loki had been at the tower, and his few interactions with the man of iron, Loki had deduced him to be a haunted man. It was clear that Tony was greeted nightly by the ghosts of his past; the dark circles under his eyes were evidence enough of that. What had also become apparent, was that Tony was haunted in his day-to-day actions. Every time he acted in Y/N’s best interests, it was as if a voice was in his head telling him to do more.

Every fibre of Loki’s being told him to walk away, that it wasn’t his place to comment; but that damned voice in his head was awake and urging Loki to speak.

“From what I gather, you’re doing everything within your capabilities to keep her safe.” Loki began, startling Tony who had forgotten he wasn’t alone.

“I know how it feels to fail at protecting someone you…love. It’s only natural to want to protect the one thing you have left…”

“You have no idea…” Tony started, but Loki interjected.

“I know. I don’t know what you went through, nor do I presume to offer advice on the subject.” Loki clarified. “But I do know that Y/N wouldn’t want you to torment yourself like this.”

This caused Tony to look at the trickster for the first time during their conversation. 

Loki continued, “As far as she’s concerned, everything you’re doing is enough.” 

Loki decided to leave it at that, aware he had probably overstepped. As he was about to turn down the corridor leading to Y/N’s room, two cups in hand, Tony’s voice stopped him.

“Thanks…Loki.” 

Loki nodded in response and continued on his way.

Tony finished his coffee, a small smirk on his lips at having had an insightful conversation with the God of mischief. He wanted to believe what Loki had said, that he was doing right by his niece. But no matter how often he convinced himself of this during the day, by night that memory would still haunt him.

He would always regret having not turned around, he would always regret not taking one last look at her; because minutes after Tony had left that room, Lia died. 

Y/N slowly stirred awake, the smell of tea greeting her as she turned in her bed.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Loki said, smiling softly at her dishevelled appearance.

She was wearing one of Tony’s old band T-shirts that was far too big for her and a pair of pyjama shorts. Her usually combed, wavy hair was a little wilder, with curls forming in its unruliness. Y/N was a little self-conscious, aware that she must look unkept; part of her wishes she had woken up before him to sneak into the bathroom and freshen up.

Loki thought she looked beautiful. 

“That’s okay. I’m glad you did.” She said with a smile.

Loki smiled in return and took a seat beside her on the bed. 

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Loki noticed her sudden shyness but did not push to know why.

She eventually spoke up, “About last night… I’m sorry for being so emotional. I got so comfortable being there. I think I was just caught off guard by their words, I should have been prepared.” 

Loki shook his head, “You shouldn’t have to prepare for hatred Y/N.”

She smiled sadly, wishing that were true. She continued to drink the tea Loki had made for her.

“I should have said something to them.” Loki admitted.

Y/N was surprised by his words. But felt instantly guilt upon hearing them.

“No Loki.” She said, reaching for his hand. “There was nothing you could have done. They have already made their minds up about me; besides, I’d hate to see you get into trouble for me.”

Loki smiled at her concern. He reached out to move Y/N’s hair out the way of her eyes, then delicately cupped her face and ran the pad of this thumb over her cheekbone. 

“It’d be worth it.” He said, with that devilish smirk and a gleam of mischief in his eye.

Y/N laughed, tilting her head further into his palm. Like the night before, Loki felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her again, and by the look in her eye, it appeared she felt the same. 

Loki leaned in first to gauge her reaction, only to find her do the same. It was as if a piece of string was pulling them together. All this time, wherever she moved so did he and vice versa; right now, it felt like the string was encircling them, gently pushing them together.

Their foreheads were touching now, one move and their lips would be sealed in a long-awaited kiss. 

That would have been the case if a young spiderling hadn’t knocked on the bedroom door.

Peter was surprised to see Loki answer the door and confused by the deep red blush on Y/n’s cheeks.

“Sorry um, I can come back later.” Peter said awkwardly.

“That’s quite alright, I need to be going.” Loki assured him.

“Going?” Y/N asked. 

“The Shield agents are trying out their new weapons at the tower today, me and Thor are the test subjects.” Loki explained, seemingly bored of the day’s plans before they started.

Loki was about to leave when Y/N called out, “Be careful.” 

Loki turned back around, his heart beating faster at her concern. She seemed shocked by her own words, but not regretful she had spoken them. Meanwhile, Peter started putting all the pieces together, a knowing smile on his face.

“I will.” Loki promised, and left.

To say Loki was bored would be an understatement. He was supposed to be listening to Fury drone on and on about how these new weapons could take on an alien invasion, his one good eye landing on Loki and Thor as he spoke. Loki’s mind was other places, more precisely, in Y/N’s bed. When he thought to himself how he could still be lying in bed with his arms around you, it made him loathe Shield and their experimental weapons.

“Cheer up Loki, people will begin to think you don’t want to be here.” Nat said quietly, standing beside the God.

Despite their difficult beginnings, Nat had been more hospitable towards Loki than most residents of the tower. Using her years of training, Nat had been watching and analysing the God’s actions during his stay at the tower. Through her investigation she summarised him to be decent enough. His interactions with Y/N had convinced Nat he was worth talking to.

“Then my reputation as a team player will be ruined. How will I live.” Loki said, earning a chuckle from Nat. 

“These weapons are designed to protect. They are defence not offence. I do not want to see your stupid asses blowing each other up; firstly, because the cleaning bill would be too high. Secondly….” Fury went on.

“I was surprised to see you here today; I thought you’d be preoccupied.” Thor said as quietly as he could, joining in on Loki and Nat’s conversation. 

“With what?” Loki asked, uninterested.

“I think you mean, with whom?” Nat interjected.

Loki rolled his eyes at their antics, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The blush on your cheeks says otherwise, brother.” Thor teased.

Loki ignored their knowing glances and quiet chuckles, though he couldn’t deny a small part of him felt a tiny thrill at being associate with Y/N. 

He had always been independent, he did not seek out unnecessary company on Asgard, nor did he welcome it when approached with the prospect. Yet, something about being linked with someone, a person he had grown such an affection for, and for that link to be recognised, felt safe. 

The training had started, and the new weapons were tried and tested. The weapons had proven affective when they hit their target, but Loki had proved to be too fast for them. Fury would have to investigate the speed element.

As the agents were packing away their tools, Loki, Nat and Thor were getting ready to retire for the day; they were tired but mostly due to boredom. 

That’s when Loki overheard them.

“Shame they picked those guys. I could think of a few of Fury’s ratpack I’d like to try these out on.” One agent said waving the new iron glove Shield had made to improve the effectiveness of the good old-fashioned punch.

“Oh yeah, like you could take them on.” Another agent scoffed.

“I’d like to take a crack at the winter soldier. A little payback you know?” The third said.

Nat had begun to listen too, aware of how dangerous this conversation could go.

“How about Banner? See if he’s all that without the big guy.” They joked.

Nat whipped her head around and was about to taser the stupid man, but Thor took a gentle hold of her wrist, shaking his head though his eyes showed a similar anger to hers. 

“What about the Tatum girl?” The first one spoke again, trying on the iron glove. “You know the stories of her family, maybe there is a little Viking in her that just needs coaxing out.”

Loki had stopped what he was doing. Nat and Thor watched him closely, aware of the anger radiating off his body.

“Besides, people would probably thank me.” The agent said, the implication clear.

That was it, within a matter of second Loki was holding the man two feet off the ground by his collar.

“Loki don’t!” Thor warned.

Nat approached him, “If you get into trouble you’ll be sent back to your father and where will that leave her?” 

Loki contemplated her words and the words of Y/N earlier that day, “I’d hate to see you get into trouble for me.”

Loki let go the agent, the petty man falling harshly to his feet.

Loki was about to turn away, but the agent became aware of the weapon wrapped around his hand and gave a swift blow to Loki’s right cheek.

Thor grabbed Mjölnir, ready to attack, but Nat beat him to it, having already tasered the guy until he was a shaking mess on the floor.

The other Shield agents rallied around their friend, “Fury! Did you see that!?” 

Fury had indeed seen everything, including the distasteful comments of the Shield agents. “Nope.” Fury said and with that he left.

Thor looked at his brother; Loki was trying to wipe away the blood on his cheek, but the wound was open and gushing. Thor took him to see Bruce.

“Peter please stop apologising. You did nothing wrong.” Y/N insisted for the umpteenth time. 

“I know…but if I hadn’t invited you to the carnival...” Peter insisted.

“Then I never would have tried a corn dog, or seen the lights, or ridden a Ferris wheel. No matter how it ended, I’m still grateful I got to do all that.” Y/N smiled.

Peter finally relented, feeling assured that Y/N didn’t regret celebrating his birthday with him.

“Well now that we’ve settled that… wanna talk about Loki?” Peter asked with a sly smile.

Y/N’s face began to turn red again, but before she could say anything Nat knocked on the open door.

“Hey guys.”

Y/N noticed the concerned look on her face, “Everything okay?”

“Bruce is checking Loki over. There was an altercation at training and Loki got hurt.” Nat explained.

Y/N’s heartbeat quickened, her stomach churning. “An altercation? Why?”

Nat smiled knowingly, “He had to defend his lady’s honour of course.”

Y/N ran to the infirmary where Bruce was inspecting the gash on Loki’s cheek. She knocked quickly on the door.

“I have a feeling I know who that is.” Bruce said kindly as he opened the door to Y/N and excused himself.

“You’re hurt.” She said, then mentally scolded herself for stating the obvious.

“It’s just a scratch.” Loki tried to sound reassuring, despite the blood on his face.

Y/N approached him on the hospital bed he was sat on. She took a seat beside him and grabbed the antiseptic tissue. She began gently cleaning his wound, careful not to apply too much pressure.

“Nat said there was an altercation.” Y/N spoke.

Loki sighed, “A Shield agent was speaking out of turn.”

Y/N nodded, “About me?” 

Loki nodded, not wanting to repeat what the stupid man had said.

Y/N wanted to thank him, but she had thanked him so much since he had arrived at the tower, that she wasn’t sure the word would correctly convey just how much his actions meant to her. So, she gathered up her courage and decided to let her actions speak for themselves.

Daintily holding his chin by the tips of her fingers, she brought her face closer to his, and kissed him sweetly on the lips.

Loki froze at first; having grown so used to a lack of intimacy in his life, Loki had been stunned to feel something so lovely.

The shock wore off quickly and Loki responded, deepening the kiss, weaving his fingers through her hair. The kiss was leisurely; it was both filled with excitement and contentment. 

This would be the first kiss of many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally :)


	11. Dating

Since that first kiss, Loki was in a daze. He was certain she must be an enchantress of some kind. 

One kiss wasn’t enough for him, he found himself craving the soft feel of those plump lips against his. He loved the fact he could taste sweet pastries on her lips; he was bewitched by the way her breath hitched when he stole an unexpected kiss or two; he adored the way she melted into his warm embrace.

It was her touch too. 

The slightest press of her fingertips along his jaw or the delicate way her fingers combed through his hair, left a fire in their wake. It wasn’t an unpleasant heat; it didn’t scorch him or leave him burnt. It was the kind of warmth that spread slowly, like sitting by a fire after bracing the cold winter winds. Y/N thawed him of an ice that had spread over him these many years.

He expected this thrill to wear slightly after a few weeks. Loki had had romantic attachments before; on Asgard it was common for he and Thor to have various ladies accompany them to the many feasts Odin hosted. But his interest in these women would always fade quickly. 

This didn’t seem to be the case with Y/N, it had been two weeks since their first kiss and he yearned for more.

The more he learnt about her, the more fascinated he became. He wondered if this was due to the weeks of getting to know each other. Both Loki and Y/N had been wounded in the past by the carelessness of others; perhaps understanding each other’s boundaries had built them a foundation of sorts to develop their relationship into something more.

That was how Loki liked to rationalise it, because as enamoured with Y/N as Loki was, he would never admit to being head over heels. 

This would be how he explained his current actions, trapping Y/N’s body with his own in a supply closet, trailing sweet kisses down her neck.

“We are both needed in the meeting room.” Y/N said, trying to sound serious through her laughter.

Y/N had never experienced romantic feelings or feelings of want, but after their first kiss it hit her in a matter of seconds. She had always thought Loki handsome, but this new side of their relationship made him utterly irresistible. She could not deny him the kisses he craved, nor would she want to.

“They requested our presence at two o’clock, we have three minutes.” Loki’s voice was muffled as he kept pressing kisses to her neck.

“It will take us a minute to walk there.” Y/N reasoned.

Loki hummed, “Then we shall have two minutes of bliss.”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh, she didn’t want to leave their cocoon of happiness any more than he did. However, Loki and Y/N had agreed not to let anyone know of this new development for the time being. Loki was still trying to find his bearings at the tower, and while he didn’t care too much what the avengers thought of him, he didn’t think stealing the innocence of Stark’s beloved niece would hold him in good standing. 

“It’s never just two minutes Loki.” She mockingly admonished. 

He gave her that laugh, one that promised mischief. “Can you blame me my dear? I can hardly get you all to myself these days.”

Loki was right. Every time they had been close to a moment alone, they were interrupted. If it wasn’t Vision reminding them dinner was ready, it was Thor asking Loki to go training with him. The worst one had been an intimate exchange in Y/N’s room. A heated debate over the greatest of Shakespeare’s plays ended in Loki crawling on top of Y/N and kissing her without abandon. He would have kissed her long into the night had the voice of Peter Parker not sounded through the door asking Y/N if she wanted to watch a movie.

They both longed for these stolen moments together.

“Perhaps we need to schedule time together.” Y/N joked, though the idea wasn’t ridiculous.

“Oh?” Loki smirked. “Are you asking me out on a… what is it you Midgardians call it?”

“A date?” Y/N asked.

“Yes. Are you asking me out on a date?” Loki teased.

Y/N blushed scarlet. She had been much more confident with Loki over their time spent together, but little things such as this would make her doubt herself.

Loki sensed her hesitation, “Before your nerves talk you out of it…” He began, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “You should know, I would say yes.”

She looked into those green eyes, finding only honesty there. “You would?” She said meekly.

He smiled warmly, “I would.” 

She took a deep breath, “Would you like to… you know?”

Loki wouldn’t make it that easy, “You’re going to have to say the words dear, I wish to be wooed.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Loki… will you go on a date?” She asked then added, “With me?”

With that happy smile, the one he reserved for her, he answered, “Of course.”

She leant up on her tippy toes, lips hovering just a touch away from his. As Loki was about to seal their lips together, she pulled back slightly.

“We’re five minutes late.” And with a quick kiss to the lips, she slid from his embrace and snuck out the closet.

Loki sighed, “Temptress.” He muttered, before following her.

Sitting across from Loki during the monthly meeting was hard. He sat across the table from her, their eyes occasionally meeting, only to be forced to look away as to not arouse suspicion.

It was the way he looked at her that made it so difficult.  
It was not that his eyes promised more secret meetings, nor did they suggest anything lewd. He simply looked at her with appreciation, like he was happy to look at her, he was happy she was there. There were very few times in Y/N’s life where she felt safe under someone’s gaze.

When Tony would watch her, he would do so as a concerned uncle. When the rest of the team looked at her, they did so to protect her, to make sure she was comfortable and safe. But when Loki gazed at her, she felt wanted; not just wanted in presence, but also as a woman. For so long she had felt like a broken little bird, a fledgling not quite ready to fly; but with Loki she soared.

Once the meeting was over Y/N excused herself to prepare the food for dinner. Loki patiently waited to join her. 

It was Bucky’s turn to help, which is how he found himself helping Y/N peel carrots in her apartment’s kitchen. Y/N had never been out on a date before let alone plan one, and according to Steve, Bucky was very popular with the young ladies back in their day. So, she decided to confide in her friend.

“Hey Bucky?” She spoke quietly.

“Yeah?” He asked.

She continued, “You’ve dated right?”

Bucky paused mid peel, “Not for a while. Why?” 

Y/N took a deep breath, “I was wondering…if you were planning a date with someone, your first date…where would go?”

Bucky tried very hard not to smile. He was aware that Loki and Y/N had grown closer after the incident at the carnival, and he had his suspicions that the pair were romantically involved. In fact, he, Peter and Sam had made a bet as to when the two would become a couple. Although he wanted to know more, he decided to let it be. Loki and Y/N were private people, he didn’t want to pry, but he did want to help.

“I think the best way to a person’s heart is through their belly. You can’t beat good food and good conversation.” Bucky offered.

Y/N pondered this, “Somewhere fancy?”

Bucky shook his head, “Somewhere comfortable, you don’t want to feel overwhelmed before the date starts.”

Y/N nodded thoughtfully. She wondered where she could go where she would feel safe. She didn’t want to plan a date in the tower; it was too crowded and not at all romantic. Would she dare risk leaving though?

Bucky finished up his side of the prepping and was about to leave when he suddenly had a thought.

“You know, the bakery around the corner from here has a café. The tables are on a patio with ivy going up the windows and those little lights hanging from the beams. They play classical music too, it’s like you’re eating a croissant in heaven or something.” He laughed 

Y/N looked at him confused.

He continued, “If I were going on a first date, and I happened to know that my date had a sweet tooth, I’d probably take them there.”

Y/N smiled, “Thank you Bucky.”

He sent her a quick wink and left, secretly hoping their date goes well.

After pretending to listen to one of his brother’s many stories, Loki decided enough time had passed for him to go and join Y/N. When he returned to their shared apartment, he was surprised not to find her cooking in the kitchen.

He decided to have a quick shower and freshen up before meeting his companion for a few more minutes of paradise. 

Once dressed after his shower, Loki heard a light knock at his bedroom door.

He was pleasantly surprised to find who stood behind it. There was Y/N, and she looked beautiful. She wore a black turtleneck matched with a burgundy tartan skirt. Her ankle boots were laced up and she held her long black coat in her arms.

Unbeknownst to Loki, Y/N had been stood there for twenty minutes. She hah been struggling to calm her breathing and relax; so, she quietly paced outside his door and tried not to think about all the things that could go wrong. People could yell and hurl abuse at her, their stares could make Loki uncomfortable. She shook these thoughts away and repeated in her head ‘Loki will be there, I’ll be okay.’ That thought alone gave her the courage to go through with this.

Loki leant against the door frame with his arms crossed and grinned mischievously, “To what do I owe this pleasure.”

Y/N smiled nervously, “I’m taking you out…on a date.”

Loki’s eyes softened, “And you are here to escort me?”

She smiled, “Well you said you wanted to be wooed.” She teased.

He laughed, “Indeed I did. Shall we go to the library?” Loki asked.

“No umm…I’m taking you out-out. On a proper date, like people do…in the movies.” She explained.

Loki looked at her hesitantly and she feared she had done something wrong.

Loki noticed her nervousness and explained, “Y/N you don’t have to do that. I know I teased but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable…”

“I won’t be.” She interrupted, “This is something I want to do.”

The certainty in her voice almost assured Loki, but it was the determination in her eyes that had convinced him.

He grabbed his coat of the hook by the door and held out his arm for her.

“Shall we?”

When they entered the little pastry shop, Y/N was relieved to see that only two other tables were occupied, one by someone typing furiously on their laptop, the other by an old man sneaking treats to his dog under the table.

An elderly lady, with her hair combed back in a neat bun, wearing a flour covered apron, came to greet them. 

“Hello Loki, not with you’re charming soldier friend?” She asked.

“Not today Margaret, I’m joined by much more delightful company today.” He spoke.

Margaret gave Y/N a warm smile, “Very pretty company too.” She said and winked at Loki. “Follow me, I’ve got the perfect table for you.”

They followed the kind old lady who escorted them to a small table in a secluded part of the café. It was a little booth, allowing them to sit close together. She handed them two menu’s and left them to peruse. 

Loki noticed Y/N supressing a smile, “What is it?”

“She knows you.” Her words laced in a teasing tone.

Loki cleared his throat and blushed slightly, “Well me and Bucky tend to visit once or twice a week.” 

Y/N looked up from the menu surprised, “You guys have a hang out?”

Loki rolled his eyes good naturedly, “Are you mocking me dear?”

Y/N placed her hand in his, “Not at all.” She assured, “I like that you and Bucky are friends and you’ve got this place. It makes me happy to see you so comfortable.”

Loki was touched by her words; he was moved by the joy he saw in her eyes, an emotion placed there just because he felt comfortable. She was an incredibly kind-hearted person.

“Enough about me, how are you feeling? Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Loki asked.

Y/N nodded, “No one is staring or whispering behind their hands. I like it here, it’s peaceful.”

Loki smiled in relief, “If Margaret can be so kind to a disgraced God and ex-assassin, you have nothing to worry about my dear.”

Y/N seemed assured by that, “She does seem quite fond of you.”

“Probably due to the announcement when I arrived.” Loki added.

Y/N was confused, “Announcement?”

“When I arrived at the tower?” Loki hadn’t realised she was unaware of the statement made, “To explain mine and Bucky’s ‘joining the team,’ Miss Potts made a public announcement explaining that we were under mind control when our devastating crimes were committed.” 

“Oh.” Y/N hadn’t realised that these procedures had taken place, though come to think of it, people hadn’t shown too much animosity towards Loki and Bucky.

“I knew about the mind control.” She admitted. “I didn’t know about the announcements though.”

Loki nodded and slowly began to look sheepish, “So you know about…” he trailed off. 

Y/N nodded, “I didn’t think it appropriate to ask. But if you ever felt you were ready to talk about it…I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

Loki smiled at her words, “I may just take you up on that. But tonight, I would rather enjoy getting to know my date.”

She dazzled him with that smile again, and any lingering bad thought was chased away.

They ordered hot chocolates and too many pastries to count. They talked and laughed without a care in the world. Y/N was too happy to worry if anyone was angered by her presence; being able to hold Loki’s hand and sit so close to him without interruption was enough to make her feel safe.

Eventually their night had to come to an end, they got a doggy bag for their pastries and held hands as they walked the quiet route back to the tower.

“Maybe she went for a walk?” Bucky offered.

“Are you sure she’s not in the library?” Sam asked.

“Maybe she’s doing paperwork in the lab.” Bruce tried to sound reassuring.

Tony was pacing back and forth in the large meeting room. Tony hadn’t seen Y/N in hours; he had checked every corner of the tower, interrogated Peter about her whereabouts, he even had Happy roaming the streets.

“Tony please sit down. This is Y/N we’re talking about; she won’t have gone far.” Pepper tried to reason.

Tony sighed, “You know how scared she gets, what if someone yells at her or worse? She’s all alone…”

Thor walked in and interrupted, “Has anyone seen my brother?”

Everyone in the tower froze, except Bucky who was trying very hard not to spill the beans. Just as Tony was about to put a bounty on the trickster’s head, Y/N and Loki walked in with bags of pastries in their hands.

“Where have you…” Tony got ready to scold, but the look of pure happiness on his niece’s face made him pause.

“I went outside Uncle Tony!” She exclaimed happily. “No one yelled at me either. We brought back pastries too!”

She was a ball of energy; she spoke so quickly. Tony didn’t know how to react; how could he be angry when she smiled at him like that? Tony wondered when she had last looked so carefree.

His face softened and he smiled down at her, “That’s great Y/N.”

She smiled up at him, “I’ll go warm the pastries up.” She said, then practically skipped to the communal kitchen.

Tony looked at Loki, “Pastries?” 

Loki couldn’t tell them it was a date, so he just shrugged and said, “She really wanted a chocolate danish.”

With that Loki left to help Y/N in the kitchen, leaving the avengers dumbfounded.

In the back of the room, Sam was handing a twenty-dollar bill over to Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've received a message asking if I had anyone in mind when writing the characters of Y/N's family, if anyone would like to know my somewhat 'fancast' let me know! :)


	12. Incentive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: A slightly more risqué chapter, nothing too graphic

Y/N woke up to gentle kisses on her cheeks, and strong arms wrapped around her. It was the same way she had been woken the past five days. 

Both Y/N and Loki had silently agreed that they slept better together. Something about the presence of the other kept away their troubled memories, allowing them to surrender happily to a dreamless sleep.

“Good morning darling.” He spoke in a husky voice that indicated he had not long been awake. 

She kept her eyes closed but smiled. He had referred to her as ‘darling’ for some time now, and her affection for the word had only grown with each passing day. She especially loved to hear it in the morning when he was at his most content. She loved that one of his first thoughts of the day was that she was his darling. 

He continued to kiss her soft cheeks, hoping she would open those big, beautiful eyes to him.

“You can kiss me all you want; I am still not pleased.” Y/N said.

Loki sighed, but held her closer.

It was announced the night before that on the avengers next mission Loki would be joining them. It made sense; after these past few weeks of training and building trust, Loki had proven himself fit and well to take part. Upon hearing the announcement, Y/N had to bite her tongue in order not to protest. She knew Loki was more than capable of looking after himself on the battlefield; however, it was hard enough for Y/N to watch Tony and Peter go off on these dangerous adventures. Y/N did not like the thought of those she cared about being in danger. She had grown so used to loss; she always assumed the worst-case scenario. 

Loki moved so he was resting on his forearm, hovering over her. The new position caused Y/N to peek through one open eye and look at him. He chuckled at her and stroked her cheek with his other hand. She gave in and looked up at him.

“It was bound to happen sooner or later Y/N, I’ll be perfectly fine.” Loki assured her.

She nodded slowly, “I know. I don’t doubt your capabilities as a fighter, I just…” she hesitated.

Loki saw the worry in her eyes, “What is it?” he asked softly.

A single tear began to form in the corner of her eye. Loki had never seen Y/N cry.

She took a deep breath, “I care about you very much.” She admitted, playing with the end of her hair as a distraction.

She continued, “I… I used to hate seeing my father beaten and bloodied. It made my heart…It hurt to know he was hurt. It’s the same with Tony and Peter; it makes me sick to my stomach that someone could try to…”

Loki nodded slowly, understanding where her worry was coming from.

“I never want to see you hurt Loki. I want you here where you’ll be safe and protected. I know it’s selfish of me…” She began to ramble, a nervous habit of hers.

For weeks Loki had watched Y/N as she watched the others leave the tower, each time she wore a furrowed brow and an expression of concern. It clicked for Loki in that moment; it wasn’t that she was scared of leaving the tower, the truth was that she was scared of anyone leaving the tower. She was terrified of what lay beyond her little sanctuary, not only for herself but for her loved ones. 

It occurred to Loki that he had yet to discover the circumstances of Rafael’s death. From the brief mention of bloodshed and her fear of the outside, Loki assumed his death must have been a violent one. While she had every right to be wary of the outside from her previous experiences, he imagined that her fear of others leaving the tower stemmed from the death of her father. Loki would not press on that line of inquiry; he knew she’d talk to him about it when she was ready.

Loki held her close, forehead resting against her own, breathing in the scent of fresh linen and her own smell of something akin to sea salt. 

He looked her in the eye and said, “I cannot promise you I will be out of harms way, nor can I make any assurances that I will be safe and unharmed. But I will do everything in my power to make my way back to you. Always.”

She wanted so badly to believe him, “But what if…”

“Always.” He said, and that was all that needed to be said.

She didn’t want to appease him with a simple nod, he would see past that and know her worries hadn’t been soothed. So, she combed her fingers through his hair and pulled him in for a kiss. 

Y/N had kissed Loki sweetly, contently, and happily for some time now. But this kiss spoke of passion and a desire to be close to him. He wrapped his arms around her body in return, their chests pressed together tightly, deepening the kiss. When they eventually broke apart for air Loki half expected that to be the end of it, but the look of want in her eyes stirred Loki’s own desire. 

She pulled him back down to her, reaching for the hem of his shirt. She rested her hands on the skin exposed to her and slowly ran her hands up his back. Loki supressed a groan at the contact and rid himself of his shirt. Y/N had never seen him shirtless before; she noticed the scars littered across his pale skin. She began to kiss his chest, working her way up to his neck, perhaps in an endeavour to kiss the marks away.

Loki was holding on to the last piece of control he had left. He had wanted her in this way for some time now, but had always kept his desires at bay. Whenever he found himself thinking of her body and how her skin would feel under his hands, he scolded himself; it was as if he saw himself as a monster trying to steal her innocence. However, his efforts of celibacy were in vain; the simple feel of her lips against his neck had him bunching up the bottom of her oversized t-shirt, slowly lifting it up her body, allowing his fingertips to graze her skin as he did. 

Y/N sat up and allowed Loki to remove her shirt, leaving her in just her panties. She had never been so exposed before, and for a brief moment she wondered how she compared to the goddesses Loki had previously spent time with. Her concerns soon dissipated by the look of adoration he held in his eyes. Loki thought her beautiful, and he was certain nothing in all the nine could compare to the vision laid before him. 

He kissed her sweetly on the lips first; almost as if he were thanking her for her trust in him. Then he kissed her deeply, his hand cupping and massaging her left breast, eliciting the most beautiful moan from her lips. Upon hearing her moans and whimpers, Loki had begun to thrust his hips against hers, joining her in a chorus of groans. Their hips quickened in pace, their breathing becoming ragged. Y/N knew she was on the brink of something, but she wasn’t sure what. 

Y/N moved her hands in between them, her fingers playing with the fastening of his waistband. Loki’s movements slowed as he looked her in the eye.

“Y/N, I…” He began.

“I want you.” She said breathily.

Loki tried to remain composed, “Are you…”

She cut him off, “I’m sure.” She said, certainty in her voice and a smile on her lips. 

In a matter of seconds, they had both reached for the others undergarments, pulling them down and kicking them away so that no barriers existed between them. As Y/N gently grasped his length in her hand Loki dropped his head to her shoulder, uncertain how long he could possibly last in this paradise. 

Three loud knocks on the door caused them to pause.

“I will kill whoever is on the other side of that door.” Loki vowed, ready to conjure a dagger.

“Brother if you’d rather Stark not know which room you have been residing in, I suggest you come answer the door.” Thor’s booming voice bellowed through the door.

Loki pulled his joggers on and covered Y/N with a blanket before yanking the door open so fast Y/N thought it would be ripped of the hinges.

“Brother.” Thor nodded in greeting.

Loki sighed, “I think we both know by now I am not opposed to stabbing you.” 

Thor rolled his eyes and continued, “The threat level at our mission’s destination has risen, we must leave within the hour.”

Thor sensed Loki’s hesitation; before he could press the issue, he noticed movement behind his brother. He spotted Y/N quickly putting on her robe. 

The brothers exchanged a look, Thor’s eyes showed understanding while Loki’s eyes were pleading.  
Thor nodded in understanding, “I’ll leave you to say your goodbyes. We’re meeting at the carrier.”

Thor left and Loki all but slammed the door behind him. When Loki turned around, he saw Y/N sat at the end of the bed. She was playing with her fingers; a nervous habit of hers. He walked over and sat beside her, taking her hands in his own.

“As always my brother has terrible timing.” Loki tried to joke but his annoyance seeped through his tone of voice.

Y/N still smiled at his efforts, “Perhaps we should put a ‘do not disturb sign’ on the door next time.”

Loki chuckled, the sound putting Y/N at ease. They closed the gap between them, Y/N resting her head on his shoulder, Loki’s lips pressed against her temple.

“To think, I will have to go into battle with the images of a temptress in my mind.” Loki teased.

Y/N tried to hide her smile, “Sound like a terrible distraction.”

Loki shook his head, “Or further incentive to fight my way back to this tower.” 

Y/N tried to hide the blush on her cheeks, “I’m beginning to understand why the books call you Silvertongue.” 

They shared a laugh and after a few more sweet kisses Y/N helped Loki to put on his armour. She picked up each piece and inspected them carefully. She seemed to be examining their usefulness; checking both weight and size, then imagining how efficiently they would protect her trickster as she placed them on his person.

Once he was ready, he took a quick look in the mirror. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for; perhaps he hoped to gain some measure of determination and righteousness at seeing himself in battle gear. But all he felt was apprehension at leaving someone behind. He shook the thought away and turned to the young woman beside him.

He cupped her beautiful face in his hands, “No tears, I’ll be back before you can miss me.”

She nodded, “You’ll be back.” She said, more to herself than him.

Loki smiled warmly at her, hoping his confidence would reassure her, “Always.”

Hearing his promise, she smiled at him, and it was settled that they wouldn’t say anymore. He kissed her fiercely but lovingly.

They made their way to the carrier and separated, Y/N to say goodbye to Tony and Loki to join his brother. 

For the first time in a long time, Loki smiled on his way to battle.

“Eager for a battle brother?” Thor asked, a smile of his own to match his brother’s.

Loki shook his head and admitted, “Eager to come back.”

Whoever decided this battle would take place in a forest was a damned fool. The trees got in the way of the chase and the ice on the ground caused for the most ungracious of entrances.

The Hydra cell they were attacking was a small unit consisting of between seventy-five to one hundred agents. The threat lay in the weapons they possessed. Developed from the weapons of the Chitauri, these weapons were not to be used in densely populated surroundings. The Hydra compound existed less than fifty miles from civilisation, making it an avenger’s level threat.

Regardless, the avengers appeared to be winning. 

Loki had proven incredibly useful. He was able to teleport himself and Natasha into the enemy compound, trigger the alarms and coax them out of their den; all without being detected.

The battle looked to be nearly over. 

Loki was about to make his way over to the helicarrier, ready to return to a certain someone. That was until he noticed a rogue Hydra agent, gun pointed at Clint Barton. Loki could have just yelled for Clint to look out, but a warning wouldn’t have been fast enough. 

During his time with the avengers, Clint had never warmed to Loki or shown him any kindness. Loki understood why; if he couldn’t forgive Thanos for controlling his mind, why should Clint forgive Loki for controlling his?

Loki wanted to make this right. Before his time with Y/N, he never would have considered putting himself at risk for a Midgardian; but now, he knew he had to do what was right, what was owed.

Loki teleported in front of Clint and shoved him away, shocking the archer in the process. Before Clint could yell at him, a shot rang through the air, and Loki was on the ground. 

It all happened in seconds, Thor lifted Loki into his arms and Steve had the Hydra soldier pinned to the ground. 

The group made their way back to the carrier. Clint was in a sort of daze, unsure how to thank the man he hated.

Thor was beside himself, “Stay alive brother.”

Loki chuckled from his place on the medical bed, “For the love of all that is good Thor, I was shot through the shoulder.”

Thor shook his head in worry, “You are bleeding, I am allowed to be concerned.”

Loki’s scoff quickly turned into a coughing fit, and he found himself growing dizzy. The shot may not have hit him in a crucial spot, but it had weakened him. He allowed himself to rest and close his eyes, content in knowing when he woke up, he’d see her face.


	13. Forgiveness

Thor had every reason to be worried. 

He knew his brother would not die, not while his quick wit was still around. However, Thor knew what would become of Loki should he grow weak. During Loki’s interrogation on Asgard, Odin put him through countless trials, testing his strength and stealth; as Loki grew weaker, his heritage began to show. Glimmers of blue could be found in the cracks of his constructed, composed appearance.

Thor had shared the information about Loki’s heritage with Bruce, purely for medical reasons. Tony had often queried why Loki appeared cold on Friday’s scans, but Thor always shook off the questions. 

But now, as Thor watched over his brother’s sleeping form, he could see the signature Jotun etchings making themselves visible on Loki’s skin.

Once the team arrived back at the tower Loki was rushed straight to the medical wing. Bruce had summarised that while Loki had lost a lot of blood, it was not enough to kill a God. Loki would just be weakened for a few days, maybe a week.

The team left Loki to rest, Natasha and Steve were suspicious of Loki’s altering appearance but the concerned look on Thor’s face kept them quiet.

Thor was left alone to sit with his brother.

“I’m not sure if you can hear me brother. But you’ve always said that my voice is so loud, it would disturb those resting in Valhalla.” Thor chuckled.

Thor watched as his brother slowly turned a darker shade of azure. “I know how you get when confronted with your past. But you have made such progress brother, do not let this put you back in your shell.”

Thor had watched his brother flourish in recent weeks. Loki had become comfortable enough to take part in group discussions. He had willingly made friends, taken part in group activities, he was even smitten with a beautiful young woman. But when confronted with the truth of his birth, Loki became scared. Like a wild animal backed into a corner, Loki felt the judgemental gaze of those around him; surrounding and suffocating him, and when backed into a corner Loki always fought his way out.

Whether it be with knives or words dripping in venom, Loki could strike the most damning of blows. That was what Thor feared, he worried his brother would lash out at the wrong person.

Thor held Loki’s hand, knowing the trickster would never allow him to do so when conscious, praying that the worst would not come.

Y/N was worried sick when Nat told her what had happened. She rushed past the team, ignoring the knowing glance from some, and the confused looks of few. Before she could knock on the door, it swung open to reveal Thor.

“I heard panicked footsteps, I assumed it was you.” Thor explained upon seeing her startled.

Y/N reached up on the tip of her toes to try and look past Thor’s large frame, “How is he? Can I see him?” She asked.

Thor closed the door behind him, keeping himself and Y/N in the corridor outside Loki’s room. 

Y/N looked up confused, “Thor?”

“Would you sit with me a moment?” Thor said, gesturing to the small seating area a little way down the hall.

Y/N nodded, growing more and more panicked by the second. Nat had told her Loki would be okay, but what if that had changed? What if there was something that Bruce had missed in his examination? Why did Thor look so worried?

Thor took a deep breath and began, “What do you know of Loki’s heritage?”

Y/N thought back, “Umm, I know he’s adopted… I remember the name Laufey from the reports during the incident in New York. I assume he’s a relative…?”

Thor nodded, “Laufey is Loki’s birth-father. He was also king of the Jotunheim before Loki killed him.”

Y/N nodded slowly, “He killed his father?” she asked quietly.

“It’s quite complicated. You see, Loki and I had always been raised to think of the Jotuns as the enemy. We were told stories of their monstrous deeds when we were children.”

“I see…but what does that…” Y/N began.

“The Jotun’s have distinctive features, characteristics that Odin demonised. Loki has disguised his Jotun appearance for many years now; but when he’s hurt or weak it begins to show.” Thor explained.

Y/N didn’t question Thor any further and decided she needed to see Loki to understand what was going on. She made her way to his room and slowly opened the door.

What greeted Y/N was surprising but not shocking. She walked over to his bedside and took a good look at him.

He looked beautiful. Loki was always handsome, even when he first woke up dishevelled and disorientated. But this was another type of beauty; his skin was a beautiful shade of blue, like a thin layer of ice over a clear lake. His skin was marked with intricate patterns, they seemed tribal yet elegant. It would appear that in any from Loki looked regal, a born prince.

She reached out to hold his hand, slightly startled by how cold he was. She looked to Thor for explanation.

“Jotun’s run much colder than we do.” He offered.

Y/N thought back to the countless times Loki had felt cold under her touch, why had she never questioned it?

“This form of his,” she started, “how does Loki feel about this?”

Thor sighed, “I’m afraid Loki has never accepted his heritage. He will be embarrassed having been seen in this form. So I beg you, if you are frightened then…”

“Frightened?” She interrupted, “Why would he frighten me?” 

The innocence of her question and the confusion in her eyes put Thor at ease. Thor could relax knowing she wouldn’t run away from his brother. Thor had wrongly judged the Tatum girl, he could see that now.

They sat by Loki’s bedside for the rest of the night, waiting for the prince to wake up. It was only when Loki’s skin returned to its usual appearance, signalling his growing strength, that Y/N allowed herself to sleep.

Loki woke up early the next morning, he felt groggy, but the sight of the tower’s walls relaxed him. He was certain he would never admit that out loud.

He looked to his left and saw his brother, back against the wall, head tilted back and snoring. Loki could not help but smirk, knowing his brother would lose a fair few admirer if they saw him in this state.

Loki then glanced to his right and smiled instantly. There sat his little companion, wrapped in her blanket, and curled up into an uncomfortable looking ball. Her book on Norse mythology lay half open on the armrest.

As if sensing his presence, she began to stir. Upon seeing his smiling face, she leapt up from her seat and sat on the edge of his bed.

“Thank goodness you’re awake.” She fussed over him, stroking the hair away from his eyes.

He chuckled, “I was perfectly fine. The only thing wounded was my pride.”

Y/N curved her brow knowingly, “And your shoulder.”

Loki conceded, “Yes, my shoulder. But I came back.”

She giggled softly, “Yes you did. You kept your promise.” She leant in to give him a gentle kiss on the lips.

Loki lifted his right arm to hold her in place before she could move away. “I’m not made of glass darling, kiss me properly.”

“Your brother is sleeping right over there.” She whispered, her attempts at wriggling away becoming futile.

“Brother you’re awake!” Thor boomed.

Loki rolled his eyes, “Speak of the devil.”

The three of you sat together for some time, Thor boasting about Loki’s heroics on the battlefield. Loki never particularly enjoyed basking in the afterglow of battle quite like his brother, but the proud look in Y/N’s eyes made him feel good. Dare he say it, he felt like a hero.

“You looked so frail brother; I feared your wounds were far worse. But like always you survived!”

Loki chuckled along with them, though his mind chose to focus on his brother’s chosen word, frail.

“But look at you, back to your usual mischievous self. We can add this to the list of stories we have Loki…”

“Back?” Loki interrupted, “Back to my usual self? What does that mean?”

Thor looked like a deer caught in headlights, “Well I just meant…”

“What exactly was I before I returned to my usual mischievous self?” Loki demanded.

Y/N was uncomfortable with the quick change in atmosphere, but she did not wish to lie to Loki. It’s better he knows now what they saw, rather than find out further down the line.

“When you were sleeping, you were in your Jotun form.” Y/N admitted. 

Y/N had yet to see Loki angry. She had seen him annoyed or perturbed, but never angry. She feared that was about to change now.

Loki’s face suddenly went blank, devoid of all emotion; Thor sighed knowing what was to come. His brother concealed his emotions when enraged; then, like the crack of a whip, the pain and aggression would come out in one fell swoop.

“Leave Thor.” Loki spoke with little emotion.

“Brother please…” Thor began to plead.

“Get out!” 

Y/N flinched at Loki’s shout and looked to Thor for guidance on how to handle the situation. But Thor knew better than to question his brother in this state. Instead, Y/N watched Thor’s retreating form, leaving her with her angry God.

After a minute, maybe two, Loki spoke. “You too.”

She almost misheard him; he spoke so quietly. “Loki can we not discuss this?”

“Discuss what?” Loki snapped, “Discuss my monstrous from? Discuss how disgusted you are?”

Y/N shook her head quickly and reached for his hand, “You could never disgust me Loki. Thor explained the misconception of the Jotuns…”

Loki rolled his eyes and chuckled darkly, “There are no misconceptions, Thor is foolishly attempting to put you at ease. We are monsters, Y/N, and you’re a fool to think otherwise.”

His words were beginning to cut her, but she stayed strong, she wouldn’t let him think this way of himself.

“Loki, I do not believe you’re a monster…” she began, but Loki cut her off.

“What do you get out of this? Are you hoping to improve your own image?” He sneered, his voice rising as he spoke. “The innocent young maiden who managed to tame a beast, is that what you want them all to think!?”

“Loki please.” She pleaded, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

“You’re like the rest of them, craving approval from you’re betters. Get out my sight.” He demanded, ripping his hand out of her grip.

Y/N felt heartbroken, but she would not anger him even more. She grabbed her book and blanket and quietly left the room. She stood in the hallway, for some time, not entirely sure what to do now. Despite his cruel words, she did not want to leave him. That was when Y/N spotted the chairs she and Thor had previously sat on, just a small distance from the room Loki was resting in. 

So, in a matter of minutes, Y/N grabbed a cushion and some snacks from her apartment. She pushed the two chairs together to form a make-shift bed and she printed out various articles on the Jotunheim. 

Loki had barely moved since Y/N left. Once the door closed behind her, Loki allowed the tears he had been holding back to fall. She had finally seen the monster.

He knew she would eventually learn of his heritage, but Loki had wanted more time. A few more months, or maybe a year, where she could see him as good. Now it was too late. If his form hadn’t frightened her off, then the cruel words he spoke to her would have scared her away. 

How he regretted those words. 

Loki had spewed out some truly despicable words throughout his life, his aim was always to cut a wound too deep to heal. But he took no enjoyment in speaking to Y/N the way he did, he just felt guilt. How could she ever trust him again? 

Loki had lain in his hospital bed for four days now, ignoring the food that Bruce had brought in for him. His guilt had dulled his appetite. He looked a sorry state when Clint came to see him. 

“I uh, hope I’m not disturbing.” The archer said awkwardly, hesitantly walking into the room.

Loki raised his brow in surprise, “You’re the last person I expected to visit.”

Clint looked down, almost ashamedly, “I should have been the first person to visit.”

Loki’s expression of confusion didn’t alter, “You saved my life out there.” Clint clarified.

Loki shook his head and sat up in his bed, “I ruined your life. This was a meagre attempt to make up for it.”

Clint was surprised by the trickster’s honesty, “You’ve been trying. I’ve noticed you helping out around the tower, making friends. I haven’t exactly made your stay here easy.”

Clint was aware of Loki’s efforts, but his experience with the God had taught him not to give second chances. After the recent mission though, Clint reflected on the many second chances he had given. He had willingly accepted Bucky into the tower, he had all but recruited Wanda himself. Hell, his greatest friendship was born from him giving a young Russian spy a second chance. 

“Your feelings about me are justified.” Loki offered.

Clint would not accept that, “Perhaps we should start from scratch.”

They both nodded in acceptance, happy to continue on a clean slate.

“So, you turn blue… is that like some Avatar shit? You haven’t got a tail, have you?” Clint asked.

Loki’s dark mood returned, “I am unfamiliar with this ‘Avatar,’ but it is not something I wish to discuss.

Clint nodded in understanding, “Is that why she’s sat out there?”

Loki looked up at the archer, confused but hopeful, “She?”

“Y/N. She’s set up camp outside the room, she’s been there for three days now” Clint clarified. 

Loki didn’t know what to say. Had she really waited for him? 

Clint sensed that Loki needed some privacy, “I’ll leave you to it. Don’t leave her out there too long, okay? She looks sadder by the day.”

Clint left Loki to his thoughts. The God couldn’t understand why you would stay; he had been cruel and irrational, he didn’t deserve your concern. 

Curiosity got the better of Loki, he jumped out of bed and walked quietly to the door. The window in the corridor presented him with the night sky. Under the faint lights of the hallway, Loki found her. She was sleeping in a position that can’t have been comfortable, her hair was slightly dishevelled, and her blanket had the remnants of empty food wrappers. Had she not eaten properly in three days? 

On the floor next to her lay what appeared to be paperwork; Loki knelt to pick up the discarded papers. They were articles on the Jotunheim, many of them discussing ancient traditions, others analysing the anatomy and appearance. 

Loki could have cried at her concern, she truly wasn’t scared of him; in fact, she wanted to know more about him.

Loki had been a damned fool. He rested his head on her lap and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

With the weight of his head on her lap, Y/N stirred awake. 

“Loki! What are you doing out of bed?” She asked, combing her fingers through his hair.

When he looked up, he saw nothing but concern in those delicate features.

“Please forgive me. Those words… I didn’t mean them, please.” Loki rambled, choking back a sob.

She silenced him with a gentle kiss to his forehead, “It’s okay.”

Loki shook his head, he had received too much forgiveness in one day, he didn’t feel he deserved any of it. “It’s not okay. You cannot allow me to treat you that way.”

Y/N moved in her seat and took hold of his hand. “I am not okay with what you said… I won’t deny it hurt. What I mean to say is, I understand where it came from.”

He took hold of her; his arms wrapped around her tightly, as if this one precious thing in his life could disappear into a puff of smoke.

“Let’s get you back to bed.” Y/N insisted. 

Loki moved, keeping one arm around her. “Will you stay?” He asked, his eyes looked afraid, worried she may come to her senses and reject him.

She smiled up at him, “Always.”

They lay in the hospital bed together. Their pasts would always come back to haunt them every now and then; but the knowledge that they had each other, made those moments more bearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas :)


	14. Parties

Loki had faced many life-threatening situations in his many years as a God. He had fought of hoards of enemies alongside his brother, found himself trapped in the clutches of a menace, he had even been stabbed through the heart. Each time, Loki’s quick wit and sharp mind helped him through it. But now, stood in front of the door to the lab, Loki felt sick with nerves.

It was time to talk to Tony.

If Loki was being entirely truthful with himself, he should have approached Stark much sooner. Courting was a very important process on Asgard, especially for a prince; before Loki had even stolen a kiss from Y/N he should have asked for Tony’s permission. Fear had stopped him. He wasn’t exactly the most popular member of the tower when he first arrived. If his first interaction with Y/N was anything to go by, he was sure Tony would have tried to kill him. 

But now, Loki was an avenger. He fought alongside Midgard’s heroes; he had even saved the life of a man he had once enslaved. He was liked too. Peter would high five Loki as he walked past, he and Bucky now had inside jokes, he even had banter with Nat. He believed himself a better person; although he didn’t think himself worthy of Y/N’s affections, he wanted to be.

The time of year was also a factor in his decision to tell Tony. While he wasn’t well accustomed to Midgardian celebrations, he was aware of New Years Eve; more specifically, the ‘new year’s kiss.’

For weeks now, Loki and Y/N had relished stolen moments together. Holding hands in the darkened cinema room where no one could see, grazing fingers as they walked past each other in the hallway. Loki even snuck a kiss or two in when he knew everyone’s attention was on the television. As much as he enjoyed the thrill of this tryst, he often longed for more.

He knew Y/N felt the same way. He would sometimes catch her looking over at Wanda and Vision curled up on the sofa together or notice her watching Nat blatantly flirt with Bruce. She always looked happy for them, but that happiness held a tinge of longing. Just to be able to hold each other in front of everyone would be enough.

For New Year’s Eve, Loki wanted to gift Y/N with a kiss, one that they didn’t have to hide. 

One last deep breath and Loki knocked on the door. 

“Enter if you must.” He heard Tony say through the door.

This was it, no going back.

When Loki entered, he saw Tony playing with the wires on a new contraption of his, while Pepper was going through his schedule with him.

“Morning Loki.” Pepper greeted warmly, earning an eye roll from Tony.

Loki nodded in her direction, “Miss Potts.”

“Soon to be Mrs. Stark when she finally agrees…” Tony started, clearly bringing up a previous conversation.

“I might hyphenate.” Pepper reminded him in a sing-song voice.

“Stark-Potts, Potts-Stark… interesting.” Tony pondered.

Loki stood there awkwardly, not sure if he should be privy to this conversation. The couple broke out of their lover’s quarrel to address the other person in the room.

“What can I do for you reindeer games?” Tony asked, though his attention was on the machinery. 

Loki cleared his throat, “I wished to speak to you about something. Something of importance.”

Tony took a dirty rag and wiped his hands clean, bringing his attention to the trickster.

“I’ll leave you both to it.” Pepper said and began to make her way out of the lab.

“Actually,” Loki spoke up, causing her to pause, “I would like to speak with both of you.”

Pepper and Tony exchanged a look, but they both nodded and took a seat together. 

Pepper had an idea of what this conversation could be about. She had noticed Y/N’s flushed cheeks when the handsome God looked her way; she had also noticed the lovesick smile on Loki’s face when Y/N did something sweet and endearing. 

Tony also had his suspicions. He too had noticed the way his niece had flourished in recent weeks; Loki seemed to coax out a confidence in her that not even Tony knew she had. 

It wasn’t that this beautiful, strong young woman had been made better with the presence of a man. Rather, it was the same way in which the right colour shirt could bring out someone’s eyes; he complimented her, and she him.

Tony knew it was only a matter of time before Loki approached him about this, Tony also knew the Y/N was her own woman and could date whoever she wanted. That didn’t make it easier though; she was still the little girl that clutched his hand tightly when he first brought her to New York. 

What would Lia do? What would Rafael say about his daughter falling for a God? None of these questions mattered though. Y/N’s parents were gone, and this was one of the milestones in Y/N life that Tony would have to be part of, not them.

Loki cleared his throat nervously, “It’s about Y/N… you may have noticed we have grown quite close over the last few weeks. I think she is a remarkable young woman; she is intelligent, kind… beautiful. Well, I’ve grown very fond of her.”

“You don’t say.” Pepper murmured, a sly smile on her face.

Pepper’s smile put Loki more at ease, “With your permission, I would like to formally court her.”

Tony’s eyebrows shot up, “Court?”

“I believe it’s called dating around here.” Loki clarified.

Tony fell silent, contemplating how to respond to this. Pepper discreetly took hold of his hand. Although she may not be a blood relative of Y/N’s, Pepper had been there to watch her grow up; it was hard to imagine that sweet little girl as a mature, young lady. Even though she knew Tony would do the right thing, she knew this wasn’t easy on him.

“Alright.” Tony said.

“Alright?” Loki asked, in slight disbelief.

Tony got up and busied himself with some tasks around the room, “There will be rules, obviously, but yes, you may ‘court’ Y/N.”

Loki let out a sigh of relief. Even Pepper released a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding.

“Thank you Stark.” Loki said earnestly.

As Loki was about to leave Tony spoke up, “Oh and Loki?” 

Loki turned back around.

“If you hurt her in any way shape or form, there is not one person in this tower that would hesitate to kill you.” Tony threatened in such a casual tone it could have been mistaken as dinner conversation.

Loki nodded in understanding, “I would expect nothing less.”

When the door to the lab closed behind him, Loki felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Loki noticed movement down the corridor to his left. There he spotted Thor peaking his head out of a doorway.

Loki raised a curious eyebrow at his brother to which Thor responded, “Well?”

Loki shook his head and gave a discreet thumbs up, earning a fist pump in the air from Thor. 

The night of New Years Eve saw much hustle and bustle as the residents of the avengers’ tower got ready for their party.

Y/N found herself excited for this party. There would be no Shield agents or angry strangers glaring at her; it was just her little family at the tower. When she counted how many people she could happily talk to without fear or anxiety, she could count every single person there, even Thor.

Y/N was also excited to see Loki. He had told her that morning that he had some important things to attend to, and with a gentle kiss to her lips he left. She hadn’t seen him all day, meaning the next time she did seem him would be in his new, fitted suit.

She had been daydreaming about the party; imagining Loki escorting her, with her hand resting daintily in the crook of his arm. She would tell him how handsome he was and he would twirl her around on the dancefloor. She knew this couldn’t happen, but she stored away these little fantasies hoping they would one day come to life.

Y/N had always loved her parents love story; Tony always told it best. Y/N’s father had gate-crashed a party with Tony and his brother Regan. Rafael wasn’t much of a party goer, but Regan and Tony had convinced him it would be a good laugh. Lia had attended the party with a date arranged by her mother. He was an annoying suck up who worked for her father’s company, Lia never could remember his name. 

It wasn’t a love at first sight kind of story. Rafael had walked into a room filled with men; all were flustered yet mesmerised all at once. That is when he noticed her. She was holding court, discussing philosophy and ethics with men twice her age with half her intellect. She had noticed the handsome young Tatum watching her, but she refused to pander over him like the many other women at the party.

Eventually she excused herself and headed over to the bar; Rafael offered to buy her a drink, she declined. He asked her if she wanted to dance, but again she declined. Eventually he asked her what she wanted, that’s when she looked him straight in the eye, raised her eyebrow in challenge and said, “Freedom.”

Rafael took her hand and kidnapped her from her date. They spent the rest of the night in a fast-food carpark, shoes kicked off, staring out onto the coast. Lia always told Y/N that it had been the best night of her life. 

Y/N didn’t believe in the great romances that people write poems about, but she believed in the love her parents held for each other. How could she not? She was a product of it.

Although she knew she couldn’t act out her daydreams tonight, she would still do something; a gesture to let Loki know how much she cared.

Loki stood by the bar watching the festivities take place. His brother was by his side, encouraging the young spiderling to take a sip of mead. Steve quickly confiscated Thor’s flask only for it to be swiped by Sam a moment later.

Bucky approached the small group, “You know, for a couple of misfits, we scrub up pretty good.”

Loki chuckled, “We could almost pass as upstanding citizens.”

The men all gathered around to tell war stories, awaiting the arrival of the women. Tony excused himself to meet Pepper who had just arrived in a stunning blue gown. When the lights hit her just right, she looked like she was dripping in diamonds.

Nat arrived in red. It was a blood red, unapologetically bold, with a thigh high slit. In fact, it was almost as red as Bruce’s cheeks upon seeing her.

Vision showed all the men up and presented Wanda with flowers when she entered the room. The purple of the fuchsia’s matched the flowing amethyst gown she had chosen to wear.

Y/N’s arrival inspired sheer awe. First to notice her was Peter, whose jaw had dropped and whose only response was to slap Thor in the chest to attract his attention. Thor followed suit, equally mesmerised; he then smacked Bucky in the chest to get his attention. Bucky mimicked the other two, and the final person to be wacked in the chest was Loki, who was certain he had been bewitched.

Her silky hair was done up in a bun, with loose tendrils framing the delicate features of her face. She didn’t wear much jewellery, but she did wear a bejewelled hairgrip that gave the illusion of a halo when she walked under the lights. Finally, there was the dress. A spaghetti trap emerald garment: the silk fabric moved like the ripples of water when she walked. 

She was beautiful. Not only because of her dress and accessories; but because of the confidence she radiated walking into that room. She was glowing.

She joined the small group of men. “Gentlemen.” She greeted.

It was possible, that for the first time in the silver tongue’s life Loki was speechless.

With the arrival of all the tower’s residents, the party began. In true Gatsby fashion, Tony had the drinks flowing ad music blasting. Everybody was on the dancefloor, even Bruce.

After she had danced with Peter, Loki decided it was appropriate for him to cut in.

“My lady.” He spoke, kissing the back of her hand and pulling her in for a slow dance.

She giggled, “My prince.”

The swayed to the soft melody, enchanted by the words of the songstress. 

“You look mesmerising darling.” He whispered in her ear.

She blushed, “And you look like a Midgardian prince. How is it you always look so regal?” 

He chuckled softly at her inquiry, “Years of practice my dear.”

Without realising, they had spent hours dancing together. No one wanted to invade the little bubble the sweet couple were dancing in; so, they watched on fondly, aware of something that was yet to be admitted.

All of a sudden Friday made an announcement, “One minute till midnight.”

Everyone moved quickly, forming groups in their couples or rushing to get party poppers and drinks.

Y/N pulled away from Loki’s embrace reluctantly and gave her best fake smile, “We had better get ready for the new year.”

Loki smiled softly at her efforts, “I have been ready for quite some time.” He said and pulled her closer.

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6…”

Y/N was confused by his actions and was about to question him.

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…”

Before she could speak he leant down, his lips hovering over hers.

“Happy new year darling.” He whispered and kissed her.

She froze at first, but muscle memory kicked in. She finally understood those sappy movies when they said the world disappeared when kissing the right person.

When they broke apart, the music and cheers for the new year came back into focus. Y/N took a quick look around to gauge the reactions of the people who had seen them.

Peter and Thor looked like the Cheshire cat with their unwavering smiles. Bucky merely raised the flask he and Sam had stolen from Steve. Then there was Tony.

Y/N had feared his reaction above all else, but he smiled at her and nodded. A silent gesture of acceptance.

So without further ado, she kissed her trickster God again, with the knowledge that this new year held the possibility of being her best one yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a very tricky year for everyone, so I hope 2021 brings you all love and happiness. Happy New Year everyone :)


End file.
